REFLECTIONS YARO - AUGUST 2023

 

LONELINESS IN MEN

                                                                   

Dear reader,

Recently I read an article on the topic of loneliness.The authors stated that 45% of men in Australia suffer of loneliness and deprivation of contact with others.

I am reflecting now on this matter as I am very aware of this large number of men who come to me for counselling almost every day and tell me how disconnected and lonely, they are. Some say that one way of dealing with this issue is consume more alcohol to calm themselves down and not to fall into serious depression. So, I question this: if depression so common in men is it a cause of being lonely?

Alone is different, being alone is a positive state where we withdraw from any contacts on purpose and spend time in meditation end retreat to regenerate our spirit and soul. Yet loneliness is somehow considered a problem in our society.

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Here is a definition of Loneliness:

Loneliness is an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation. Loneliness is also described as social pain – a psychological mechanism which motivates individuals to seek social connections. It is often associated with a perceived lack of connection and intimacy. Loneliness overlaps and yet is distinct from solitude. Solitude is simply the state of being apart from others; not everyone who experiences solitude feels lonely. As a subjective emotion, loneliness can be felt even when a person is surrounded by other people. Hence, there is a distinction between being alone and feeling lonely. Loneliness can be short term (state loneliness) or long term (chronic loneliness). In either case, it can be intense and emotionally painful.

The causes of loneliness are varied. Loneliness can be a result of genetic inheritance, cultural factors, a lack of meaningful relationships, a significant loss, an excessive reliance on passive technologies (notably the Internet in the 21st century), or a self-perpetuating mindset. Research has shown that loneliness is found throughout society, including among people in marriages along with other strong relationships, and those with successful careers. Most people experience loneliness at some points in their lives, and some feel it often. The effects of loneliness are also varied. Transient loneliness (loneliness which exists for a short period of time) is related to positive effects, including an increased focus on the strength of one's relationships. Chronic loneliness (loneliness which exists for a significant amount of time in one's life) is generally correlated with negative effects, including increased obesity, substance use disorder, risk of depression, cardiovascular disease, risk of high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. Chronic loneliness is also correlated with an increased risk of death and suicidal thoughts.

Medical treatments for loneliness include beginning therapy and taking antidepressants. Social  and counselling treatments for loneliness generally include an increase in interaction with others, such as group activities (such as exercise or religious activities), re-engaging with old friends or colleagues, and becoming more connected with one's community. Other social treatments for loneliness include the ownership of pets and loneliness-designed technologies, such as meetup services or social robots (although the use of some technologies to combat loneliness is debated). (Wikipedia)

Here are some ideas and actions to deal with loneliness.

Don’t be afraid to reach out - It might sound obvious, but the best place to look for a friend is the friend’s you already have or have had in the past. Reaching out to someone you already know can be intimidating and hard but it is also the shortest route to authentic connection. Keep in mind:

Most people appreciate when an old friend or former colleague reaches out to say hello. Life gets busy, and just because they haven’t said hello to you, it doesn’t mean they don’t want to connect.

Re-establishing a connection is much easier than starting a new one - you’ve already got things to catch up on, shared interests, or old stories to laugh at.

It can be easier to start a conversation with old colleagues, friends of friends, or that interesting person you once met, compared with people you don’t know at all.

Try reaching out to someone you already know. If they don’t reply, or don’t want to connect, don’t be disheartened, it’s likely more of a reflection of their busyness than it is on you.

More ideas for you:

• Schedule activities

• Stay occupied

• Practice gratitude

• Revisit your relationship with social media.

• Practice self-care – yoga & meditation

• Spend time outdoors 

• Set a daily routine

• Try to look forward to alone time

Here is a recent ABC article that you may read in this link and reflect on your own time.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-07-14/middle-aged-men-experiencing-high-level-loneliness/102563492?utm_campaign=abc_news_web&utm_content=link&utm_medium=content_shared&utm_source=abc_news_web

 

RFLECTIONS YARO - JULY 2023 - THE WARRIOR

THE WARRIOR ARCHETYPE

 I am now reflecting about what sort of processes in human cultures that create conflicts among people and nations. Why do we continue to experience armed conflicts almost globally today? Why do we continue to experience so many tragedies and no peace talks no arrangements between nations have been helpful. Ask the leaders of Israel and Palestine, African nations, and Russia… In this almost infinite fight they all claim victory over the other but who is the “other”?

 Many aggressive nations use evil propaganda to convince people that the other is a bad one and must be eliminated and in in this way, leaders enter the role of the archetype of the warrior. The warrior role is to fight and win at all costs.

However, some warriors are meant to defend their nation and save people from disasters.

Today my own inspiration of the warrior archetype and protector of the people is the Ukrainian president ZELENSKY. He began to lead Ukraine in 2019 and he not only is a well-seasoned warrior by now, but also a great communicator to his people. He is the leader that pushed Russia away from Ukrainian borders despite their much superior military organisation.

President Zelensky, in his earlier career as an actor off stage and television in Ukrainian sitcoms, became popular already to all Ukrainians. It is interesting that destiny meant to place him as an actor on the world stage defending the Ukrainian people.

Going back to the warrior archetype, here is a quote about the meaning of the warrior from the Jungian perspective:

 

THE WARRIOR ARCHETYPE: MAKING AN IMPACT ON THE WORLD

“The Warrior in his fullness, the mature Warrior, creates order, sets boundaries, and goes out into the world and gets things done. The mature Warrior often has these qualities:

He knows his job is to act in the world in service to the people.

He sets boundaries. He does this with clear understanding of the concept of difference: of an innate knowing about “This is where I stop, and you begin”. He knows how to set a boundary and the difference between “yes” and “no”. He knows what he would die for, and he’s clear about what he would defend to the death.

He tends to see things in black or white. His may be a binary world. Clarity is everything. That way he knows with certainty what needs to be done.

He may act without feeling to get things done. Examples of this include the way fire fighters go into a burning building to save people. This is true Warrior energy: act first, feel the feelings later – if necessary. 

His principles as a Warrior are action, service, loyalty, and justice.

He needs a cause to believe in and fight for.  His cause might be something he believes in on a personal level, or it might be the King’s mission of service in the world. He is motivated to act.

He believes in the motto “Protect and Serve.”

When boundaries are crossed, he reacts with force and goes on the offensive (or defensive). Another expression of his energy is the masculine energy he takes into the world to get things done. Yet another is assertiveness. He knows how to channel the very energy of life, of vitality, for the benefit of those he serves and for himself.” (Wikipedia).

President Zelensky perfectly fits the role of the warrior archetype as described above and I'm looking forward as the final winner of the horrible war that Russia has created since about two years ago.

In order to make this story more “alive” to the readers, I am attaching here a podcast by my mentor Michael Mead where he speaks elegantly about the conflicts in Ukraine from the mythological understanding of human nature, he points out that beauty truth and justice are values that all people deserve and the warrior archetypes is present right now to heal this tragedy.

 

Listen to the podcast: The war within the war 

ARE YOU HOLDING UP? - FATE AND DASTINY - JUNE 2023

REFLECTIONS YARO JUNE 2023

 

 

ARE YOU HOLDING UP? -  FATE AND DASTINY

 

Maturity is the ability to stand, hold and handle the tensions of the opposites we face in life. The immature people face a chaotic life experiencing tension, fragmentation, and a split self. A person may be feeling a need to protect his/her side as real and eventually fight hard to defend and protect that side. Wars and religions are proof of such one sidedness.

As a gestalt therapist, I am constantly impressed about the way the polarity process evolves and creates both chaos and opportunities to grow. The ability to hold the tension of the opposites is a gift that the human soul has and must create new outcomes, new solutions and creative ways to manage the paths in life. Therefore, the burden to change and shift oneself and enable others to do so falls on the human soul – awakening awareness.

As each human being learns to hold the tension of the many heavy burdens in our culture splits today (climate crisis, pandemics, political spits) creative ways of developing new solutions by the creative imagination that is always present in the deep unconscious. Here is a description of what I call “Mystical Polarities“ because these forces are available for us and help us to develop new solutions in the world.

 

MYSTICAL POLARITIES.

 

Mystical polarities refer to the concept of opposing or complementary forces or principles that are often associated with spiritual or mystical experiences and traditions. These polarities are believed to exist within and interact with the realm of the divine or the transcendent. Here are a few examples of mystical polarities:

Light and Darkness: This polarity represents the contrast between illumination and obscurity, symbolizing spiritual enlightenment and ignorance. Light often represents divine wisdom, clarity, and truth, while darkness can signify the unknown, mystery, or the absence of divine knowledge.

Masculine and Feminine: Mystical traditions often incorporate the concept of masculine and feminine energies, sometimes referred to as the anima and animus. These polarities represent complementary forces that exist within individuals and the universe, such as active and passive, assertive and receptive, or rational and intuitive aspects of being.

Unity and Multiplicity: Mystical polarities also explore the relationship between the one and the many. Unity refers to the concept of oneness, interconnectedness, or the divine essence that permeates all existence. Multiplicity, on the other hand, acknowledges the diverse manifestations and expressions of the divine within the physical world.

Transcendence and Immanence: This polarity reflects the balance between the transcendent and immanent aspects of the divine. Transcendence refers to a state or reality beyond the material world, while immanence emphasizes the divine presence within the created world and human experience.

Mystical polarities are often seen as complementary and interdependent, representing different facets of a unified whole. The exploration and integration of these polarities are believed to lead to spiritual growth, self-realization, and a deeper understanding of the nature of existence.

 

FATE AND DESTINY

One of the most important tensions for everyone is the so-called complex FATE AND DESTINY. Fate is described as all the tensions we have within ourselves, and Destiny is the call to awareness and to be fully oneself as a unified individual. It is the path of individuation and completing the journey we were destined to complete. Some believe that fate is a pre-determined text from birth to death, yet, what is encoded in each person is like a story where life is moving like a river, it just flows and flows until it meets the great sea.

Attempting to avoid or disregard Faith, not only removes the potential of Destiny but also makes our lives a rigid and constricted self. Destiny involves the process of being our true Self from within. Destiny is a gift born with each soul bringing insights intended to serve the world. And Fare limits us to a structure and purpose that is not part of the genius of creativity and innovation.

Are you developing your talents and using them freely or do you feel they are not useful in the service of healing the world?  Because at this time, a great weight is surrounding the Earth and its inhabitants. One of the few ways of shifting the global darkness and the great weight, would involve facing our Destiny that gives us the natural talents to bring about  healing to both Natura and Culture.

 

 

 

LA CALAVERA - MAY 2023 BLOG

 

MAY 2023 BLOG - LA CALAVERA

 

Dear Reader,

I am now writing this blog on Australian Labour Day holiday and reflecting on the May events like Mother’s Day and my son’s birthday. There are many non-celebrations in the world today as the war in Ukraine that is in its second year where men, women and children are hurt and dying every day.

This brings me to reflect about birth, development and death and re-birth as a cycle in Nature that is present everywhere. Writing this blog, I found a story that is very popular in Mexico and retold on the Día de Los Muertos (day of the dead) when people go to the cemeteries and celebrate death.

I found a story of LA CALAVERA (the skeleton lady) told by Dr. Clarissa Pikola Estes. She has worked with facilities caring for severely injured 'cast-away' children, 'shell-shocked' war veterans (now called Post Trauma Distress Syndrome), and their families. Her teaching of writing in prisons began in the early 1970s at the Men's Penitentiary in Colorado; the Federal Women's Prison at Dublin, California, and in other 'locked institutions.'

The Calavera story is meant to be a heling and a positive view of Death so that we can find solace and abandon fear and anxiety about this inevitable event in life. She is also called “La Catrina”. Here is a quote from an article by Kimberley Estrada “La Catrina symbolizes the cycle of life, and serves as a reminder to enjoy life, but also embrace death. She is a sacred symbol of the Mexican celebration, Día de Muertos. A historical figure who has been honoured in Mexican culture for centuries. She has been represented in various forms throughout history, but is most commonly recognized as a tall, female skeleton who wears a fancy hat with feathers.” Here is her short story:

There was a man who lost his wife as she gave birth to a lovely baby boy. He wanted to find a good god-mother for his boy and as he walked the sacred path, he met the Devil who offered to be the godfather, the man stated that he is looking for a godmother and the Devil is  someone that tends to show you good  times but very bad at other times and he kept walking. He then met the god of memory and  also refused the offer because memory tends to fail you  by forgetting things. Then he met the rain god who was very kind but water kept pouring down his face and the father said his thanks and kept walking until far in the forest, he met a lady dressed in colourful outfit and a smile that was very kind and open and she introduced herself as LA CALAVERA . She offered to be good godmother to the child and teach him magic healing skills when he is an adult. The father agreed to the deal and was glad to have a good go-mother and also a good teacher for his don.

Years went by and the child grew up into a very capable man with many healing skills. The only malaise he could not heal was Death. He went to see his godmother and begged her to teach him this healing. She stated that as his god-mother, she is obliged to teach him the skill and told him that when he meets a patient in bed sick, he must look where she is standing. If she is at the top of the bed, it means that the patient must die but if she is standing at the bottom of the bed, then the patient will recover, and he must give the patient a certain herb tea to drink.

Soon the word was out about the great healer and many people went to seek him for cures. One day the soldiers came to see him and stated that the King is very ill and asked for him. He rushed to the castle and found the king in bed looking very ill. The king asked for help and if he is cured, he will give the healer half of the kingdom. But the healer saw Death was at the head of the bed and that meant the king must die. So, being very resourceful, he turned the bed around so death was at the bottom of the king’s bed, and he gave tea to the king and the king recovered. As he was leaving the castle vey happy with his fortune, the godmother was sanding outside and said that this cannot be done and not to do this trick again. In some minutes, the soldiers came again, and stated that the keg’s daughter is very ill and the king wants the healer to come back to help and if his daughter gets well, he will give his daughter in marriage to the healer.

“Wow! That was surely a good deal” thought the healer and came to see the king’s daughter. However, death was at the head of the bed and that meant the beautiful daughter must die. He was suddenly in love with her and went and turned the bed around and gave the princess the tea and she as well and completely healed. Suddenly Calavera appeared in front of him looking very upset and said: “You have not obeyed my rule and this calls for a revelation for you” She then took him by his hand and led him to a deep cave and in this huge cave there were millions of candles, and all were lit and also were of many sizes. “What is this godmother”? asked the healer. She explained that each candle represents life on Earth, and some are taller and some shorter meaning that as the candles burn out, finally the light gees out and the person dies. No matter if the person is a baby and adult or old person, the candle will be spent and the person will die, that is the destiny of all human beings.

“Where is my candle “? Asked the healer and Calavera pointed at the small candle with its light almost gone. “NO!” exclaimed the healer, you cannot do this to me as your godson. I have a fortune, half a kingdom and a princess to wed soon” he pleaded and as he looked at the candle it just went out and he fell and died. “YOU CANNOT FOOL DEATH” said the Calavera.

In conclusion, I have noted some points for reflection as you think about the CALAVERA story.

1.     LIFE - DEATH -LIFE cycle: Think about what is supposed to “die” in your life at this time? What will you not give up and be free of attachments?

2.       When is your candle meant to go out? Or how are you afraid that it will go out soon?

3.       LA CALAVERA  lives inside us and has a sense of when you will heal and when you will die – no cheating!

4.       Can you ‘let go’ of things that deaden you in your life or you keep attempting to turn the “bed” around again and again?

5.       Are you living in the HERE AND NOW? Can this story be helpful to practice this skill?

6.       What healing support do you need in your life at this moment?

DYING IS A JOURNEY FULL OF FEAR – YOU CAN SOFTEN THIS FEAR BY LIVING IN THE NOW AND FIND JOY IN EVERYTHING YOU DO AND WHO YOU ARE!

 

 

 

 

 

APRIL 2023 RFELECTIONS YARO

 

APRIL BLOG - WISDOM OF THE TAROT

 Dear Reader,

Today, as the month of April is approaching, here in Australia, we are at the beginning of fall and in the North, all celebrate the spring equinox.

One of a rather funny rituals is “April fool’s day” celebrated on April 1^st. Here is a quote from Wikipedia:

“April Fools' Day or All Fools' Day is an annual custom on 1 April consisting of practical jokes and hoaxes. Jokesters often expose their actions by shouting "April Fools!" at the recipient. Mass media can be involved with these pranks, which may be revealed as such the following day. The custom of setting aside a day for playing harmless pranks upon one's neighbour has been relatively common in the world historically”.

Over the years, I often wandered and reflected on this apparently strange ritual and never could find the real origin of this event that has, for me, a somewhat sadistic flavour. So, recently I found my TAROT cards and looked up the FOOL card (also called LE MAT in French) that fascinated me as the card of divination with the 0 (zero) value. Here is a definition:

“The Fool is numbered 0 – the number of unlimited potentials – and so does not have a specific place in the sequence of the Tarot cards. The Fool can be placed either at the beginning of the Major Arcana or at the end. The Major Arcana is often considered The Fool’s journey through life and as such, he is ever present and therefore needs no number.” (Tarot at Crossroads: Daniels & Daniels).

The above comment, brought me to reflect of the way our western society (on global scale) is showing the “foolish” actions in so many areas as the 'foolish' wars, business competitions, economic chaos and bankruptcies by some major banks. Thus, we clearly may see and even experience the journey of the Fool from one end of the social spectrum to the other.

I also looked at another tarot card and it is the HANGED MAN This card foreshadows the naïve consequences that result from the foolishness today. The Fool is somewhat innocent, spontaneous, and independent individual totally free from worries. But as we look carefully, he is walking towards a precipice while looking up at the little butterfly flying above his head. As the consequence of this action, we meet the Hanged man (XII card). So, the Fool had a very happy journey but now he is facing a big danger. As all Tarot cards, they represent the upper side and the reverse side where meanings reverse and tell you to pay attention to both, as is saying: “Do not be a fool”.

Therefore, the Hanged Man has both sides too and this is one description:

“The Hanged Man shows a man suspended from a T-shaped cross made of living wood. He is hanging upside-down, viewing the world from a completely different perspective, and his facial expression is calm and serene, suggesting that he is in this hanging position by his own choice. He has a halo around his head, symbolizing new insights: awareness and enlightenment. His right foot is bound to the tree, but his left foot remains free, bent at the knee, and tucked in behind his right leg. His arms are bent, with hands held behind his back, forming an inverted triangle. The man is wearing red pants representing human passion and the physical body, and a blue vest for knowledge. The Hanged Man is the card of ultimate surrender, of being suspended in time and of martyrdom and sacrifice to the greater good.” (Rider Waite deck).

So, my view of our society in these times of potential crisis like the climate crisis and a load of cultural and political crises, creates an image of all being “hung up” and nowhere to go. All is not lost however, and the image of the Hang Man gives us the possible solutions: we need to pause in our race to wealth and progress and make the necessary sacrifices (globally) and stay cantered and calm. When we are suspended in our daily activities and feel stuck, we can easily feel depressed and anxious and feel lost. However, according to C. G. Jung, the image represents ‘the wounded healer’ who is showing us the path to surrender and healing.

This is the time when all foolishness must stop and a sober awareness of what we must sacrifice for the benefit of all. How can we develop new skills new creative approaches and surrender to the new paradigms that are coming. Here the passion of youth must be supported and developed to make new solutions possible.

Finally, I turned to the amazing GYPSY TAROT. These divination cards are more practical and applicable to everyday life. For example, the FOOL card is a SHAMAN who is duelling with a wild bear (maybe his spirit guide) and the HANGED MAN is the bringer of light out of shadows. This is a celebration of Easter and Spring card. A REBIRTH OF BODY, MIND AND SOPUL.

                      

      

                                                                         

REFLECTIONS YARO - MARCH 2023

                                                                                                                   ZEUS AND HERA

                                                                                               THE MAGIC OF MARRIAGE                                                                                     

I am reflecting on the coming month of March. Memories come regarding the ‘IDES OF MARCH from the Shakespearean drama about the assassination of the Roman emperor Julius Cezar by his friend Brutus. It is also the god of war MARS. As gods represent the mythical meanings of human actions, Mars, represents the large and small wars that humanity experiences (now the war in Ukraine) and also the “wars“ between  people who are in conflict with their marriage partners.

One good example of such a ‘war” is the relationship between the famous couple Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera both from Mexico. They had a dramatic and painful marriage. After about 11 years of heavy drama. They were divorced and then married again until she died.

 Frida died in 1954 and now an article was written in the Australian paper that according to the grandson of Diego Rivera, Juan Coronel Rivera, who stated that Diego ‘helped’ Frida to die by supplying her with a heavy dosage of pain killers. As some masters say: “in a war there are no winners nor losers.”

This makes me to reflect on the many couples I see as counsellor for the Defence Dept veterans. Seeing couples every week, I am coming across an interesting pattern that seems to be very common in all relationship:

1.       The wife claims that they need better communication skills.

2.       The husband claims that he is suffering PTSD due to his army career and needs to understand his wife better.

Note: This is the traditional definition of couples (male/ female), In my opinion we can define couples with the  Jungian concept ‘’Anima” and “Animus”, independently or their gender definition, this means that the male person can be more Anima than Animus and the female the opposite.

As we work on these issues, I note that there is another pattern emerging while the couple discuss their needs: the Female (Animus) psychologically expresses her FELINGS first and the Male (animus) expresses his LOGIC first. As these expressions are not in the conscious domain, they enter a place of confusion and even hurt. If the conflict is stopped and the couple calm down, then the female partner switches to logic and the male into feelings. This is the moment to help them to understand that the ’war’ can be stopped and make peace! Both want the best for each other and yet have their own ideal expectations. But the reality of life is not so magic, and they need abilities to manage the reality as they live and work together.

Cultural ideas or “laws” are also embedded in everyone, and today our society is a mix of many cultures and thus creating more complex relationships. Also, cultural idealisations surround the ‘ideal’ of the wedding and the idea of home and children and the meaning of ‘happiness ever after’.

If you ask a young person about their reason for marriage, their reply is almost 100% “to be together” to “to be coupled” there is no mention of sexuality or economy, these are a “given”. Simply “being together” is the min reason to get married.

The ancient Greeks worshiped HERA AND ZEUS as the ideal marriage and tried to copy the proper behaviours as described by the priests. A happy household, ideal children double income and accumulation of good ‘stuff’ (furniture, swimming  pool etc).

However, as we all know, even in Heaven thigs could go wrong. As the gods struggle and fight, and here, on Earth, the COUPLING is soon UNCOUPLED as the pair hit the reality of daily living together. This is quickly defined a PROBLEMS. Just turn on your TV and watch the many dramas that attract most of today’s viewers and the full spectrum of conflicts appear as heavy entertainment. We watch things like jealousy, hate, anger, betrayals frustration, annoyances, disappointments and so on and on. Most of us can identify with some of those aspects and feel the mystery behind them.

Marriage finally seems like a yoke or burden. As children are born and need care and love the burden grows more. The new roles that the couple must take starts a ‘cooling’ state in the relationship and the tasks that are present now are either too much or impossible.

Most people that come to therapy, in my experience, are coming to ‘solve’ their problems and want fast solutions. They are disturbed that they are not able ‘just have peace’ in their relationship. They imagine that “relationship” is some sort of a disturbance or a lack of balance and want to be “cured” as soon as possible.

As marriage is a place of tremendous Dramas and Pain, it is also a place of tremendous idealisation. We project on the other expectations of what it means to be “happy”. Because we are individuals with different parenting for many years, and we develop strong personalities (character) we quickly clash as soon as we begin life together. So, marriage becomes a “battle” (even some TV commentators call it “the battle of sexes”) One partner wants to change the other and the other wants more of what they need etc.

Couples try to adjust facts to ideals they have learned early in life, but those ideals are personal fantasies that clash with the fantasies of the other: “you should clean your room” or “you should be a better father” or “you should cook for us” and so on. Add your “shoulds” here please:

Counsellors or therapists suggest that the couple be as open as possible with all their ideals. Each person is encouraged to openly state directly to the other their personal needs, wants, like words in communication, what we want in this partnership. Friendship, support, sexual needs, creative inspiration, loyalty, rage, frustration, etc. All is allowed to be expressed clearly and directly and explored deeply. Sharing dreams fantasies wishes, and goals etc.

This exploration in depth may also have some dangers. The verbal sharing is limited to thinking and interpretations leading to hurt and saddens, Therefore, the therapist encourages non-verbal communication, contact exercises that promote awareness and strategies like designing a vision board to clarify mutual understanding and love.

Love is a universal process that we have from birth and involves contact with the loved on for simple survival as a baby, and then a connection that is open to come together and withdraw if needed to be free to discover one’s individuation.

 

NOTE : Hera was an Olympian goddess, and a central figure in the Greek pantheon. She was the wife of Zeus. Zeus and Hera’s marriage ceremony was the first of its kind in Olympia. It was hugely celebrated with lots of feasting and merriment at the Garden of the Hesperides.

All the deities were in attendance, and they presented them with lots of magnificent gifts. Gaia, the earth goddess, and grandmother to the bride gifted Hera with an enchanted tree that when planted would produce exquisite golden apples.

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                  Chinese symbol for marriage and happiness

 

 

 

 

 

REFLECTIONS YARO - FEBRUARY 2023

 THE FIRE OF LOVE

FEBRUARY 2023 BLOG

 

Dear Reader,

 Toddy I am reflecting  on the feeling how the time passes. It is a feeling as if the river of life is flowing into the eternal sea that is the container of all lives, past, present, and future.

Yet, the idea of time is simply a construction of our mind that has given us a watch - to “keep time”.

Our brain is the amazing bio-computer that formulates, drives, and organises our so called “FLOW”.

I am now nearing that imaginary border between the river and the sea. Where Time meets the eternal, a deep field that is eternity. It is the final journey of one that is called: ME – body, Mind and Soul. But I ask myself now WHO AM I? This question, although simple, is still active and interesting spanning over many years of reflection. The search for the answer is a subtle process that the ancient Tibetan sages and masters have spent meditating on for some thousands of years. They have discovered that the end of Life on Earth is a journey from one dimension to another. The first stage is dying and moving to the second “Bardo”, it is an intermediate, liminal stage our soul passes through in order to be reborn. This process takes several stages called “Bardo Yoga”.

The second stage after death of our body, we enter a space where all our life memories come up and it is like a review of our Karma or destiny that we have experienced. By cleaning our Karma, we move to the third stage and that is an illumination (pure light) that leads to the final stage and here we can choose: to move to eternal liberation or rebirth.

The Tibetan “bardo” stages indicate that choice of eternal liberation or rebirth is a choice that depends on our Karma. How do we ‘clen’ our Karma? One answer may be that the “karmic dust” is cleaned when we see all our bad and good things we have done while living your life on the Earth stage. Another answer could be the duality principle when we are in relationship with ‘another’.

All Nature is divided into pairs of opposites that create connections that are both difficult and loving. For example, male and female energies are manifested that help or hinder our Karmic ‘dust’ from cleansing.

From the time of our birth, we meet ‘the other ‘and that meeting is a sudden experience of wellbeing called LOVE. Again, we may ask where is this feeling coming from? But the reasons do not matter as we are happy and well. As we grow up, this addiction to the loved one is shifted from mother to others as we seek this healing contact. Yet, being ‘in Love’ is a trap. We find ourselves in a wonderful tarp that eventually self-destructs. We are in SHOCK! There is a feeling of loss and despair: “I lost him/her forever” and “I thought it will be love forever”!  This love relationship becomes a tragedy when we become ATTACHED! We are attached to the image of mother and/or father and we get trapped in the image of our childhood.

Then starts the FEAR. ”He/she may die and I will be lost forever. To keep the image, we may become angry, jealous, possessive and even violent. So, the ‘vehicle’ that brings us to love is damaged and our addiction makes our Karma very “dirty”.

As an old master said: “To enter the valley of Love, we must plunge into the fire, then we must become fire itself, otherwise we cannot live there”

When we truly Love, we must transcend fire as the flame of passion is burning at all times and the problem is ATTACHMENT! We need to feed the flame of Love with a certain oil to be able to live. Standing with feet well planted we can take the flame of love without being totally burnt. Yet, this passion is so addictive that we want more and more of this heat because the mind has received this heat from the boundless energy of the Universe, and we ended up in a ‘prison’ room and we feel that the key to that room is in the hands of the other. If we are in this room with our lover, we must practice moving in and out of the room an move from “I love you” to “we are love together”. And suddenly that needs, and desperations start to dissolve and all our inner aggression and addiction starts to disappear. Berceuse the quality of Love has no time, no space, was never born and does not die.

Here and now, I recognise and am grateful to the great teaching masters, and particularly BABA RAM DASS who inspired me over the holidays to reflect about the importance of letting go, to detach from anything that we are addicted to, like our family members, our friends and possessions and even our own body. Buddha said that life is a preparation for a peaceful death.

When we practice detachment, we go through the process of ‘finishing our unfinished business’ as the gestalt teachers stated. This is a form of clearing our Karma and enable our inner ‘dust’ to disappear and take us to the liberation BARDO as our best reward.

 

 

 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!