June 2 BLOG
Reflecting on FEAR,
"Fear would have us respond from the depths of
our own self and soul where the core pattern of our life continually tries to
grow and open the way before us," Michael states:
We are all aware of this inner feeling as we perceive danger.
This behaviour was probably part of early Man in caves protecting families and tribes.
From there, we developed the “WARRIOR” aspect of our self, and due to that fear,
we destroyed many cities, countries and people. Michel Meade is very wise in his
writing on fear, and I suggest you read his essay and reflect on your own fears.
I want to describe a scene in which I learned a whole
lot about fear, including the sense that fear is an intimate emotion, and that
what we fear the most is connected to who we already are at the core of our
lives.
The moment in which fear becomes almost overwhelming
begins backstage in a theatre where over 500 people are waiting for an event to
begin. I am one of several presenters. And I’m expecting to be the last one to
speak. And therefore, imagining that I have plenty of time to decide what I’m
going to present. What I really want to do is tell a story that I had only
recently found and had not really prepared to tell. The truth is that I don’t
rehearse stories before I tell them, I read them or listen to them, and let
them inhabit me, usually for quite a while before I ever tell them. While I was
still casually considering what story I should tell, the host of the event
suddenly came up and said, “something has happened, I’m going out and I’m going
to introduce you first.”
I was suddenly flooded with fear, almost paralysed by
it, not simply because I felt unprepared in the moment, but also because
something in me insisted that I tell the story I also felt I had not yet fully
learned. In what seemed like barely a moment I was on stage, still feeling
deeply fearful, still feeling unprepared, and definitely feeling that I might
not measure up to the occasion. And then something in me that I now realise
knew more about me and what I should be doing than I did, began telling the
story regardless of my fears and insecurities.
"A common fear is that we will be unable to
deal with the issues in the circumstances that confront us. And of course, the
voice saying that comes from our ever-fearful ego or little self."
Strangely or maybe not strangely at all, the story has
a key scene in which the youngest of three brothers has to find his way through
a set of iron gates that can suddenly close and crush you, and on either side
of which there is a huge lion with a gaping maw that could swallow you in one
gulp. In other words, I found myself describing a scene which was very similar
to the fears I had when I learned that I had suddenly gone on stage and began a
story.
Looking back, I can see how the stage was set for me
to trust the presence of the story and the spontaneous style of storytelling
that turns out to be natural to me. And it wasn’t simply that fear was in the
way, it’s more actually that fear was part of the way, because it turns out
that our greatest fears are connected to our deepest sense of self. A common
fear is that we will be unable to deal with the issues in the circumstances
that confront us. And of course, the voice saying that comes from our
ever-fearful ego or little self. In my case, it was the ego voice inside me
saying, if you try to be spontaneous, you’re going to mess everything up.
You’re going to fail miserably. And you’re going to do it in front of a large
audience. And yet, you can say that the hidden purpose of fear involves
bringing us close to the deep resources of our own self and soul.
In other words, the question was not whether I could
spontaneously tell a story and trust the images and the symbols in the story,
and the dynamic of the story to connect to the lives of the people in the
audience, and if those same images and symbols could give me guidance about how
to interpret the story, and even direct knowledge in terms of the kind of
wisdom that can come directly from a story. That was not the issue. The problem
was, would my terrified little self allow this greater sense of self and soul
to pronounce itself, to appear, to be present. Would my little self risk that so
that I might grow and learn something about who I already was inside myself?
There’s an old Spanish proverb that says, “to live in
fear is to live a life half-lived.” In other words, the life that is driven,
restricted and controlled by the ego or the little self turns out to be a
half-life and turns out to be the thing that is keeping us from living more
fully and finding the healing and guiding moments of wholeness that we are
intended to experience here on earth.
