AUGUST BLOG - THE NATURE OF SUFFERING

 

The Nature of Human Suffering

Reflections on Pain, Growth, and the Human Condition

Dear Reader,

It is no wonder that we are undergoing a challenging time in the world today. The Gaza humanitarian crisis, war in Ukraine, conflicts in both Asia and Africa, clearly define the human suffering at an unprecedented scale since the world wars.

In the tapestry of human existence, suffering is a thread that weaves relentlessly through every life, binding us together in a silent, universal kinship. Across the sprawl of continents and centuries, from ancient philosophers to modern psychologists, the nature of human suffering has been the subject of contemplation, debate, and, above all, empathy. To examine suffering is not simply to dwell in darkness, but to seek understanding and perhaps, through that understanding, to find meaning.

The Many Faces of Suffering

Suffering, at its core, is a deeply personal experience, shaped by the contours of our unique lives. Yet, in its forms, it is as varied as humanity itself: the acute sting of physical pain, the slow ache of loss, the anxiety of uncertainty, the heaviness of regret, and the existential dread that sometimes shadows our brightest days. We suffer because we are vulnerable - subject to the frailties of our bodies, the whims of circumstance, and the unpredictable tides of fate.

But suffering is not merely an individual burden. It is a collective inheritance. The stories we tell - myths, legends, sacred texts—are filled with trials, tribulations, and the enduring hope that follows in their wake. From the lamentations of Job to the tragedies of Shakespeare, suffering is presented not as an aberration, but as a fundamental aspect of what it means to be alive.

The Roots of Suffering

Human suffering arises from many sources, both external and internal. Illness and injury inflict pain upon the body. The loss of loved ones brings sorrow to the heart. The yearning for connection, for purpose, for security - when unmet - gives rise to a restlessness that gnaws at the soul.

Yet, perhaps the sharpest edge of suffering is found not in what happens to us, but in how we respond. The philosopher Epictetus observed that “People are disturbed not by things, but by the view they take of them.” Our interpretations, our expectations, and the stories we tell ourselves can magnify or soften the blows life delivers. A setback can become a reason for despair, or a call to resilience.

Buddhist philosophy teaches us that suffering, or dukkha, is intrinsic to existence. It is born from desire and attachment - the wanting of things to be other than they are. In this view, to live is to suffer, but also to have the opportunity to transcend suffering through mindfulness and acceptance.

Suffering as a Catalyst

While suffering is often unwanted and feared, it is also a force that shapes character, fosters empathy, and kindles growth. The adversity of illness may awaken gratitude for health. The pain of heartbreak may deepen our capacity to love and be loved. The anguish of injustice may galvanize us to seek a fairer world.

Viktor Frankl, a survivor of the Holocaust and a renowned psychiatrist, wrote that “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” In the crucible of suffering, we discover reserves of strength and resilience we might never have known. Suffering can strip away the superficial, revealing what is essential and real.

But it is important to acknowledge that suffering is not always ennobling. It can also break spirits, entrench wounds, and perpetuate cycles of harm. The challenge lies in how we, as individuals and societies, respond—to ourselves, and to one another.

Empathy and the Bonds of Suffering

One of the paradoxes of suffering is that, in its isolation, it can also draw us closer to others. To suffer is to understand, in some measure, the pain of another. Empathy is, in large part, the recognition of suffering in another soul. It is what stirs us to reach out, to comfort, to share a burden.

Communities and cultures have long sought to contain and transform suffering through ritual, art, and storytelling. Grief shared at a funeral, solace found in a song, or catharsis experienced in the theater—these are ways we make sense of suffering together. In reaching out to one another, we weave a safety net of compassion that can soften even the hardest falls.

The Search for Meaning

Suffering asks us questions that happiness rarely does. Why me? What now? How do I go on? In seeking answers, many find meaning in faith, philosophy, or creative expression. Others draw strength from relationships, or from the simple acts of living: tending a garden, caring for a pet, watching the sunrise after a long night.

In his seminal work, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Viktor Frankl argued that meaning can be found even in the depths of suffering—not because suffering is good, but because the act of finding meaning is an assertion of human dignity. We are not merely passive recipients of pain; we are authors of our response.

The Ethics of Suffering

If suffering is an inescapable part of life, it is also a call to action. To ignore the suffering of others is to deny our own humanity. Compassion, charity, and justice are the ethical responses to the suffering we witness. Whether through personal acts of kindness, social movements, or public policy, alleviating suffering is perhaps the noblest expression of our shared condition.

At the same time, we must be wary of diminishing the suffering of others by insisting it always has a purpose. Not all pain is redeemable, and not every story has a silver lining. To listen without judgment, to accompany in silence, without fixing - that is sometimes the greatest gift we can offer.

Conclusion: Living with Suffering

In the end, the nature of human suffering is both simple and profound. It is the shadow that makes the light possible, the sorrow that lends sweetness to joy. To suffer is to be alive, to care, to hope. It is a teacher, a companion, and a challenge.

We cannot banish suffering from the world, but we can choose how we meet it - in ourselves and others. Through understanding, compassion, and the search for meaning, suffering may, in its own way, become a path to wholeness.

As we walk this path, may we remember that though the road is hard, we do not walk it alone.

    

REFLECTIONS YARO - AUGUST 2023

 

LONELINESS IN MEN

                                                                   

Dear reader,

Recently I read an article on the topic of loneliness.The authors stated that 45% of men in Australia suffer of loneliness and deprivation of contact with others.

I am reflecting now on this matter as I am very aware of this large number of men who come to me for counselling almost every day and tell me how disconnected and lonely, they are. Some say that one way of dealing with this issue is consume more alcohol to calm themselves down and not to fall into serious depression. So, I question this: if depression so common in men is it a cause of being lonely?

Alone is different, being alone is a positive state where we withdraw from any contacts on purpose and spend time in meditation end retreat to regenerate our spirit and soul. Yet loneliness is somehow considered a problem in our society.

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Here is a definition of Loneliness:

Loneliness is an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation. Loneliness is also described as social pain – a psychological mechanism which motivates individuals to seek social connections. It is often associated with a perceived lack of connection and intimacy. Loneliness overlaps and yet is distinct from solitude. Solitude is simply the state of being apart from others; not everyone who experiences solitude feels lonely. As a subjective emotion, loneliness can be felt even when a person is surrounded by other people. Hence, there is a distinction between being alone and feeling lonely. Loneliness can be short term (state loneliness) or long term (chronic loneliness). In either case, it can be intense and emotionally painful.

The causes of loneliness are varied. Loneliness can be a result of genetic inheritance, cultural factors, a lack of meaningful relationships, a significant loss, an excessive reliance on passive technologies (notably the Internet in the 21st century), or a self-perpetuating mindset. Research has shown that loneliness is found throughout society, including among people in marriages along with other strong relationships, and those with successful careers. Most people experience loneliness at some points in their lives, and some feel it often. The effects of loneliness are also varied. Transient loneliness (loneliness which exists for a short period of time) is related to positive effects, including an increased focus on the strength of one's relationships. Chronic loneliness (loneliness which exists for a significant amount of time in one's life) is generally correlated with negative effects, including increased obesity, substance use disorder, risk of depression, cardiovascular disease, risk of high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. Chronic loneliness is also correlated with an increased risk of death and suicidal thoughts.

Medical treatments for loneliness include beginning therapy and taking antidepressants. Social  and counselling treatments for loneliness generally include an increase in interaction with others, such as group activities (such as exercise or religious activities), re-engaging with old friends or colleagues, and becoming more connected with one's community. Other social treatments for loneliness include the ownership of pets and loneliness-designed technologies, such as meetup services or social robots (although the use of some technologies to combat loneliness is debated). (Wikipedia)

Here are some ideas and actions to deal with loneliness.

Don’t be afraid to reach out - It might sound obvious, but the best place to look for a friend is the friend’s you already have or have had in the past. Reaching out to someone you already know can be intimidating and hard but it is also the shortest route to authentic connection. Keep in mind:

Most people appreciate when an old friend or former colleague reaches out to say hello. Life gets busy, and just because they haven’t said hello to you, it doesn’t mean they don’t want to connect.

Re-establishing a connection is much easier than starting a new one - you’ve already got things to catch up on, shared interests, or old stories to laugh at.

It can be easier to start a conversation with old colleagues, friends of friends, or that interesting person you once met, compared with people you don’t know at all.

Try reaching out to someone you already know. If they don’t reply, or don’t want to connect, don’t be disheartened, it’s likely more of a reflection of their busyness than it is on you.

More ideas for you:

• Schedule activities

• Stay occupied

• Practice gratitude

• Revisit your relationship with social media.

• Practice self-care – yoga & meditation

• Spend time outdoors 

• Set a daily routine

• Try to look forward to alone time

Here is a recent ABC article that you may read in this link and reflect on your own time.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-07-14/middle-aged-men-experiencing-high-level-loneliness/102563492?utm_campaign=abc_news_web&utm_content=link&utm_medium=content_shared&utm_source=abc_news_web

 

BLOG POST FOR AUGUST 2018

PESSIMISM AND OPTIMISM: TWO WAYS TO SEE THE WORLD TODAY

PESSIMISM

In the last few blog posts, I reflected on the idea of DYING. As we all know, there are many “little deaths” throughout our lives and we react to them according to our character or beliefs.

Dr. Irvin Yalom, in his book “selections from the Yalom reader” (Basic Books, 1998), devotes a whole chapter to the notion of Death, Anxiety and Psychotherapy. When we explore death, he states, we encounter four basic postulates:

1. The fear of death plays a major role in our internal experience; it haunts us as does nothing else; it rumbles continuously under the surface; it is a ‘dark ’unsettling presence at the rim of consciousness
2. The child, at an early age, is pervasively preoccupied with death, and his or her major developmental task is to deal with terrifying fears of obliteration.
3. To cope with these fears, we erect defences against death awareness, defences that are based on denial (as learned from parents) and that shape our character structure and that, if maladaptive, result in clinical syndromes. In other words, psychopathology is the result of ineffective modes of death transcendence.
4.  Lastly, a robust and effective approach to psychopathology may be constructed on death awareness.       

 My own reflections on death awareness was noted in the past blog post describing how different cultures understand and teach death awareness. Here the conclusion emerged is that most, if not all, cultures explain that: a) Life and death are interdependent; they exist simultaneously, not consecutively; death whirls continuously beneath the life’s consciousness and exerts a vast influence upon our experience and a constant as we go on living. b) Death is a primordial source of anxiety and as such, is the primary cause of psychopathology.

My own personal reflections on the reality of death is that we all may choose to practice Death Awareness from a positive or optimistic perspective or from a negative or pessimistic one. Like Dr. Yalom stated: Most people live with anxiety regarding death. To move from the anxiety (pessimistic notion) we need to develop exercises that will give us support with the positive or optimistic death awareness.

For example: The Sufi have a concept of ADAB. It refers to the idea of a “good and positive” attitude to life. The importance to acting beautifully. It is developing an inner sense of genuine respect and service to all. This must be in place in order to reflect our inner beauty that is based on LOVE.

 Another example, from the Buddhist tradition is the compassionate contact with the process of dying. Paul Lansburg states that: “We have constituted an “us” with the dying person. And it is “us”; it is through this specific power of this new and utterly personal contact that we are led toward the living awareness of our own having to die”.

Another way to work at death awareness is to examine the daily news media. How the media describes the “death: of a culture” (by wars); the slow death of a nation-state (you name one); the fall of a leader 'on his own sword' and so on. We need to pay attention to optimistic writers and news reporters and seek them out, so we can develop a balance between the optimistic view and the pessimistic one.

“Pessimism can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. By believing that the world is getting worse, Pessimism may even answer to our spiritual needs”.

“Enlightenment Now: The Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress", by Steven Pinker

OPTIMISM

In the book “Enlightenment Now,” Pinker hopes to return us to reality. During five hundred pages, he presents statistics and charts showing that, despite our dark imaginings, life has been getting better in pretty much every way. Around the globe, improved health care has dramatically reduced infant and maternal mortality, and children are now better fed, better educated, and less abused. Workers make more money, are injured less frequently, and retire earlier. In the United States, fewer people are poor, while elsewhere in the world, and especially in Asia, billions fewer live in extreme poverty, defined as an income of less than a dollar and ninety cents per day. Statistics show that the world is growing less polluted and has more parks and protected wilderness. “Carbon intensity”- the amount of carbon released per dollar of G.D.P.- has also been falling almost everywhere, a sign that we may be capable of addressing our two biggest challenges, poverty and climate change, simultaneously.

Pinker’s message is simple: progress is real, meaningful, and widespread. The mystery is why we have so much trouble acknowledging it. Pinker mentions various sources of pessimism - the “progress phobia” of liberal-arts professors, for instance - but directs most of his opprobrium toward the news media, which focus almost entirely on of-the-moment crises and systematically underreport positive, long-term trends. (Citing the German economist Max Roser, Pinker argues that a truly even-handed newspaper “could have run the headline number of people in extreme poverty fell by 137,000 since yesterday every day for the last twenty-five years.”) He consults the work of Kalev Leetaru, a data scientist who uses “sentiment mining,” a word-analysis technique, to track the mood of the news; Leetaru finds that, globally, journalism has grown substantially more negative.

The power of bad news is magnified, Pinker writes, by a mental habit that psychologists call the “availability heuristic”: because people tend to estimate the probability of an event by means of “the ease with which instances come to mind,” they get the impression that mass shootings are more common than medical breakthroughs. We’re also guilty of “the sin of ingratitude.” We like to complain, and we don’t know much about the heroic problem-solvers of the past. “How much thought have you given lately to Karl Landsteiner?” Pinker asks. “Karl who? He only saved a billion lives by his discovery of blood groups.” This is also written in Yalom’s Death Anxiety article as stated early.

SUMMARY

The set - point theory of happiness:

Many psychologists now subscribe to the “set point” theory of happiness, according to which mood is, to some extent, homeostatic: at first, our new cars, houses, or jobs make us happy, but eventually we adapt to them, returning to our “set points” and ending up roughly as happy or unhappy as we were before. Researchers say that we run on “hedonic treadmills”- we chase new sources of happiness as the old ones expire - and that our set points are largely immovable and determined by disposition. Some fundamental changes can affect our happiness in a lasting way - getting married, immigrating to a wealthy country, developing a drug addiction - but many life improvements are impermanent in character. Although food quality may have been worse in 1967, the pleasure of today’s better meals is intrinsically fleeting. More people survive heart attacks than in the past, but the relief of surviving wears off as one returns to the daily grind.

Anxiety story:

“A Bedouin was travelling through the desert, carrying a filled skin of water over his shoulder and weeping bitterly. When another traveller asked him why he was crying, the man replied that his dog was suffering terribly from thirst. The traveller asked why he didn’t give the dog a drink from his water skin, and the Bedouin said: “I couldn’t do that. I might need this water for myself”.

A Sufi story