LONELINESS IN MEN
Dear reader,
Recently I read an article on the topic of loneliness.The authors stated that 45% of men in Australia suffer of loneliness and deprivation of contact with others.
I am reflecting now on this matter as I am very
aware of this large number of men who come to me for counselling almost every
day and tell me how disconnected and lonely, they are. Some say that one way of
dealing with this issue is consume more alcohol to calm themselves down and not
to fall into serious depression. So, I question this: if depression so common
in men is it a cause of being lonely?
Alone is different, being alone is a positive
state where we withdraw from any contacts on purpose and spend time in
meditation end retreat to regenerate our spirit and soul. Yet loneliness is
somehow considered a problem in our society.
Here is a definition of Loneliness:
Loneliness is an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation. Loneliness is also described as social pain – a psychological mechanism which motivates individuals to seek social connections. It is often associated with a perceived lack of connection and intimacy. Loneliness overlaps and yet is distinct from solitude. Solitude is simply the state of being apart from others; not everyone who experiences solitude feels lonely. As a subjective emotion, loneliness can be felt even when a person is surrounded by other people. Hence, there is a distinction between being alone and feeling lonely. Loneliness can be short term (state loneliness) or long term (chronic loneliness). In either case, it can be intense and emotionally painful.
The causes of loneliness are varied. Loneliness
can be a result of genetic inheritance, cultural factors, a lack of meaningful
relationships, a significant loss, an excessive reliance on passive
technologies (notably the Internet in the 21st century), or a self-perpetuating
mindset. Research has shown that loneliness is found throughout society,
including among people in marriages along with other strong relationships, and
those with successful careers. Most people experience loneliness at some points
in their lives, and some feel it often. The effects of loneliness are also
varied. Transient loneliness (loneliness which exists for a short period of
time) is related to positive effects, including an increased focus on the
strength of one's relationships. Chronic loneliness (loneliness which exists
for a significant amount of time in one's life) is generally correlated with
negative effects, including increased obesity, substance use disorder, risk of
depression, cardiovascular disease, risk of high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. Chronic loneliness is also correlated with an increased risk of death and
suicidal thoughts.
Medical treatments for loneliness include
beginning therapy and taking antidepressants. Social and counselling treatments for loneliness
generally include an increase in interaction with others, such as group
activities (such as exercise or religious activities), re-engaging with old
friends or colleagues, and becoming more connected with one's community. Other
social treatments for loneliness include the ownership of pets and
loneliness-designed technologies, such as meetup services or social robots
(although the use of some technologies to combat loneliness is debated). (Wikipedia)
Here are some ideas and actions to deal with loneliness.
Don’t be afraid to reach out - It might sound obvious, but the best place to look for a friend is the friend’s you already have or have had in the past. Reaching out to someone you already know can be intimidating and hard but it is also the shortest route to authentic connection. Keep in mind:
Most people appreciate when an old friend or
former colleague reaches out to say hello. Life gets busy, and just because
they haven’t said hello to you, it doesn’t mean they don’t want to connect.
Re-establishing a connection is much easier
than starting a new one - you’ve already got things to catch up on, shared
interests, or old stories to laugh at.
It can be easier to start a conversation with
old colleagues, friends of friends, or that interesting person you once met,
compared with people you don’t know at all.
Try reaching out to someone you already know.
If they don’t reply, or don’t want to connect, don’t be disheartened, it’s
likely more of a reflection of their busyness than it is on you.
More ideas for you:
- Schedule activities
- Stay occupied
- Practice gratitude
- Revisit your relationship with social media.
- Practice self-care – yoga & meditation
- Spend time outdoors
- Set a daily routine
- Try to look forward to alone time
Here is a recent ABC article that you may read
in this link and reflect on your own time.
