REFLECTIONS YARO - MARCH 2023

                                                                                                                   ZEUS AND HERA

                                                                                               THE MAGIC OF MARRIAGE                                                                                     

I am reflecting on the coming month of March. Memories come regarding the ‘IDES OF MARCH from the Shakespearean drama about the assassination of the Roman emperor Julius Cezar by his friend Brutus. It is also the god of war MARS. As gods represent the mythical meanings of human actions, Mars, represents the large and small wars that humanity experiences (now the war in Ukraine) and also the “wars“ between  people who are in conflict with their marriage partners.

One good example of such a ‘war” is the relationship between the famous couple Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera both from Mexico. They had a dramatic and painful marriage. After about 11 years of heavy drama. They were divorced and then married again until she died.

 Frida died in 1954 and now an article was written in the Australian paper that according to the grandson of Diego Rivera, Juan Coronel Rivera, who stated that Diego ‘helped’ Frida to die by supplying her with a heavy dosage of pain killers. As some masters say: “in a war there are no winners nor losers.”

This makes me to reflect on the many couples I see as counsellor for the Defence Dept veterans. Seeing couples every week, I am coming across an interesting pattern that seems to be very common in all relationship:

1.       The wife claims that they need better communication skills.

2.       The husband claims that he is suffering PTSD due to his army career and needs to understand his wife better.

Note: This is the traditional definition of couples (male/ female), In my opinion we can define couples with the  Jungian concept ‘’Anima” and “Animus”, independently or their gender definition, this means that the male person can be more Anima than Animus and the female the opposite.

As we work on these issues, I note that there is another pattern emerging while the couple discuss their needs: the Female (Animus) psychologically expresses her FELINGS first and the Male (animus) expresses his LOGIC first. As these expressions are not in the conscious domain, they enter a place of confusion and even hurt. If the conflict is stopped and the couple calm down, then the female partner switches to logic and the male into feelings. This is the moment to help them to understand that the ’war’ can be stopped and make peace! Both want the best for each other and yet have their own ideal expectations. But the reality of life is not so magic, and they need abilities to manage the reality as they live and work together.

Cultural ideas or “laws” are also embedded in everyone, and today our society is a mix of many cultures and thus creating more complex relationships. Also, cultural idealisations surround the ‘ideal’ of the wedding and the idea of home and children and the meaning of ‘happiness ever after’.

If you ask a young person about their reason for marriage, their reply is almost 100% “to be together” to “to be coupled” there is no mention of sexuality or economy, these are a “given”. Simply “being together” is the min reason to get married.

The ancient Greeks worshiped HERA AND ZEUS as the ideal marriage and tried to copy the proper behaviours as described by the priests. A happy household, ideal children double income and accumulation of good ‘stuff’ (furniture, swimming  pool etc).

However, as we all know, even in Heaven thigs could go wrong. As the gods struggle and fight, and here, on Earth, the COUPLING is soon UNCOUPLED as the pair hit the reality of daily living together. This is quickly defined a PROBLEMS. Just turn on your TV and watch the many dramas that attract most of today’s viewers and the full spectrum of conflicts appear as heavy entertainment. We watch things like jealousy, hate, anger, betrayals frustration, annoyances, disappointments and so on and on. Most of us can identify with some of those aspects and feel the mystery behind them.

Marriage finally seems like a yoke or burden. As children are born and need care and love the burden grows more. The new roles that the couple must take starts a ‘cooling’ state in the relationship and the tasks that are present now are either too much or impossible.

Most people that come to therapy, in my experience, are coming to ‘solve’ their problems and want fast solutions. They are disturbed that they are not able ‘just have peace’ in their relationship. They imagine that “relationship” is some sort of a disturbance or a lack of balance and want to be “cured” as soon as possible.

As marriage is a place of tremendous Dramas and Pain, it is also a place of tremendous idealisation. We project on the other expectations of what it means to be “happy”. Because we are individuals with different parenting for many years, and we develop strong personalities (character) we quickly clash as soon as we begin life together. So, marriage becomes a “battle” (even some TV commentators call it “the battle of sexes”) One partner wants to change the other and the other wants more of what they need etc.

Couples try to adjust facts to ideals they have learned early in life, but those ideals are personal fantasies that clash with the fantasies of the other: “you should clean your room” or “you should be a better father” or “you should cook for us” and so on. Add your “shoulds” here please:

Counsellors or therapists suggest that the couple be as open as possible with all their ideals. Each person is encouraged to openly state directly to the other their personal needs, wants, like words in communication, what we want in this partnership. Friendship, support, sexual needs, creative inspiration, loyalty, rage, frustration, etc. All is allowed to be expressed clearly and directly and explored deeply. Sharing dreams fantasies wishes, and goals etc.

This exploration in depth may also have some dangers. The verbal sharing is limited to thinking and interpretations leading to hurt and saddens, Therefore, the therapist encourages non-verbal communication, contact exercises that promote awareness and strategies like designing a vision board to clarify mutual understanding and love.

Love is a universal process that we have from birth and involves contact with the loved on for simple survival as a baby, and then a connection that is open to come together and withdraw if needed to be free to discover one’s individuation.

 

NOTE : Hera was an Olympian goddess, and a central figure in the Greek pantheon. She was the wife of Zeus. Zeus and Hera’s marriage ceremony was the first of its kind in Olympia. It was hugely celebrated with lots of feasting and merriment at the Garden of the Hesperides.

All the deities were in attendance, and they presented them with lots of magnificent gifts. Gaia, the earth goddess, and grandmother to the bride gifted Hera with an enchanted tree that when planted would produce exquisite golden apples.

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                  Chinese symbol for marriage and happiness

 

 

 

 

 

REFLECTIONS YARO - FEBRUARY 2023

 THE FIRE OF LOVE

FEBRUARY 2023 BLOG

 

Dear Reader,

 Toddy I am reflecting  on the feeling how the time passes. It is a feeling as if the river of life is flowing into the eternal sea that is the container of all lives, past, present, and future.

Yet, the idea of time is simply a construction of our mind that has given us a watch - to “keep time”.

Our brain is the amazing bio-computer that formulates, drives, and organises our so called “FLOW”.

I am now nearing that imaginary border between the river and the sea. Where Time meets the eternal, a deep field that is eternity. It is the final journey of one that is called: ME – body, Mind and Soul. But I ask myself now WHO AM I? This question, although simple, is still active and interesting spanning over many years of reflection. The search for the answer is a subtle process that the ancient Tibetan sages and masters have spent meditating on for some thousands of years. They have discovered that the end of Life on Earth is a journey from one dimension to another. The first stage is dying and moving to the second “Bardo”, it is an intermediate, liminal stage our soul passes through in order to be reborn. This process takes several stages called “Bardo Yoga”.

The second stage after death of our body, we enter a space where all our life memories come up and it is like a review of our Karma or destiny that we have experienced. By cleaning our Karma, we move to the third stage and that is an illumination (pure light) that leads to the final stage and here we can choose: to move to eternal liberation or rebirth.

The Tibetan “bardo” stages indicate that choice of eternal liberation or rebirth is a choice that depends on our Karma. How do we ‘clen’ our Karma? One answer may be that the “karmic dust” is cleaned when we see all our bad and good things we have done while living your life on the Earth stage. Another answer could be the duality principle when we are in relationship with ‘another’.

All Nature is divided into pairs of opposites that create connections that are both difficult and loving. For example, male and female energies are manifested that help or hinder our Karmic ‘dust’ from cleansing.

From the time of our birth, we meet ‘the other ‘and that meeting is a sudden experience of wellbeing called LOVE. Again, we may ask where is this feeling coming from? But the reasons do not matter as we are happy and well. As we grow up, this addiction to the loved one is shifted from mother to others as we seek this healing contact. Yet, being ‘in Love’ is a trap. We find ourselves in a wonderful tarp that eventually self-destructs. We are in SHOCK! There is a feeling of loss and despair: “I lost him/her forever” and “I thought it will be love forever”!  This love relationship becomes a tragedy when we become ATTACHED! We are attached to the image of mother and/or father and we get trapped in the image of our childhood.

Then starts the FEAR. ”He/she may die and I will be lost forever. To keep the image, we may become angry, jealous, possessive and even violent. So, the ‘vehicle’ that brings us to love is damaged and our addiction makes our Karma very “dirty”.

As an old master said: “To enter the valley of Love, we must plunge into the fire, then we must become fire itself, otherwise we cannot live there”

When we truly Love, we must transcend fire as the flame of passion is burning at all times and the problem is ATTACHMENT! We need to feed the flame of Love with a certain oil to be able to live. Standing with feet well planted we can take the flame of love without being totally burnt. Yet, this passion is so addictive that we want more and more of this heat because the mind has received this heat from the boundless energy of the Universe, and we ended up in a ‘prison’ room and we feel that the key to that room is in the hands of the other. If we are in this room with our lover, we must practice moving in and out of the room an move from “I love you” to “we are love together”. And suddenly that needs, and desperations start to dissolve and all our inner aggression and addiction starts to disappear. Berceuse the quality of Love has no time, no space, was never born and does not die.

Here and now, I recognise and am grateful to the great teaching masters, and particularly BABA RAM DASS who inspired me over the holidays to reflect about the importance of letting go, to detach from anything that we are addicted to, like our family members, our friends and possessions and even our own body. Buddha said that life is a preparation for a peaceful death.

When we practice detachment, we go through the process of ‘finishing our unfinished business’ as the gestalt teachers stated. This is a form of clearing our Karma and enable our inner ‘dust’ to disappear and take us to the liberation BARDO as our best reward.

 

 

 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

REFLECTIONS YARO - JANUARY BLOG - 2023

 

JANUARY 2023

 

Dear Reader,

I am looking out of my window and see the summer sun shining upon my garden. December is summer here and I am reflecting about the parts of our planet where there are winter disasters, terrible volcanos and war in Ukraine where people have no electricity nor heat to stay warm and enjoy the coming new year.

To me it all feels like the 2022 was a year of painful crises. COVID pandemic still with us, divisions in world politics, and authoritarian leaders who, without any conscience are adding more pain and destruction to many people in many countries.

Michael Meade’s podcast speaks about the myth of the Greek gods called THE TITANS. These gods delighted in creating pain and destruction among the people. Here is his quote:

 

“There are times when myth and fact coincide, when events in the common world become mythical in shape and scope. In such radical times, myths can offer ways of understanding what otherwise appears as completely unprecedented events and impossible dilemmas. In mythological terms, we are facing the end of an era during which everything can seem to collapse back into chaos and darkness before a regeneration of the dream of life can occur.

In some Greek myths, the Titans appear as primordial, pre-cultural giants who act out the extremes of insolence and arrogance, vengeance and wanton violence. They were called “the strainers” as they were full of hubris and strained to be like the gods. Before civilization could develop, the Titans had to be pushed down and be held in Tartarus, the deepest darkest part of the underworld.

However, it turns out that while the archaic energies and raw emotions can be suppressed, they cannot be completely eradicated. When the dark times come around again and people feel under great pressure, the deeply repressed energies, emotions, and forces can erupt back into life. As the web of life loosens and meaning and trust drain from cultural institutions, unconscious energies from deep in the human psyche can become loosed upon the world. Extreme beliefs and raw emotions can infect and inflate both individuals and groups as unconscious forces lead to extreme and inhumane behaviours.

All around the world, we can see these kinds of energies manifesting in the form of extreme political parties that act with the fervour of religious zealots. And in the rise of authoritarian figures who, in their hubris, insist that everyone must follow and be loyal to them while they, like the ancient Titans, break all the rules and follow no natural order. Having no genuine conscience and no inherent meaning of their own, they can only destroy whatever carries meaning for other people.

The rapid spread of all kinds of conspiracy theories, the increase in acts of hatred and violence can also be seen to involve an uncovering and release of the deep shadows that grow beneath the shiny surface of mass cultures.

The counterbalance to collective forms of extremism and tragic acts of inhumanity must be found, first, in the awakening of the individual soul to a greater sense of the underlying wholeness and inherent meaning of life on Earth.

Just as the earth continually renews itself from its own deep resources, each person harbours hidden resources that try to awaken in the darkest times. In awakening to the presence of the deep unifying self and the ancient wisdom of the soul we become more able to shift the darkness and assist the return of the original dream of life on earth”.

Michel Meade

 

As we are coming to the end of this year, I am trusting and hoping that we are all filled with the desire to make things better and joyful for all. As the story goes, the old man year is leaving this world and the new one is arriving full of hope and happiness. This is my new year wish”

That the collective wisdom of billions of people on this Earth will join their energies to defeat the TITANS of today and thus shift the evil energies cleaning all the corners of this planet. This is not an easy task as the death of one force requires a space to defeat another and another and ‘ad infinitum’.

This fight is well documented by the Tibetan masters, and they call it THE BARDO journey of the Soul. Here is a definition of this spiritual practice:

“The "bardo" is the state of existence intermediate between two lives on earth. According to Tibetan tradition, after death and before one's next birth, when one's consciousness is not connected with a physical body, one experiences a variety of phenomena. These usually follow a particular sequence of degeneration from, just after death, the clearest experiences of reality of which one is spiritually capable, and then proceeding to terrifying hallucinations that arise from the impulses of one's previous unskillful actions. For the prepared and appropriately trained individuals, the bardo offers a state of great opportunity for liberation, since transcendental insight may arise with the direct experience of reality; for others, it can become a place of danger as the karmically created hallucinations can impel one into a less than desirable rebirth”.

Tibetan book of Living and Dying.

I imagine that as we travel from the ‘old year’ to the new, we need to make that journey through a series of “bardos” to enable the new year to be born again.

“Peace requires us to surrender our illusions of control. We can love and care for others but we cannot possess our children, lovers, family, or friends. We can assist them, pray for them, and wish them well, yet in the end their happiness and suffering depend on their thoughts and actions, not on our wishes.”
― Jack Kornfield

BLESS ALL!

 

                                                   

REFLECTIONS YARO - DECEMBER 2022

AT THE EDGE OF THE PRECIPICE – December 2022  BLOG

 

Dear Reader,

As the year is coming to an end (as all years do), I feel like I am standing at the edge of a precipice wandering what is at the bottom. Such image generates a lot of fear. The end of a relationship,the end of a job, the end of healthy body and mind. I am curious about the image and wander what is at the bottom?

Over the millennia, most people felt fear and asked a god of some leader or spirits or magic powers to answer the question as to what is at the bottom of this precipice. Religions emerged that promised a relief indicating the existence of a Heaven (if you are good and obey) or horrible Hell for those who do not ‘believe’ of are ‘sinners’. Therefore, most people followed a dogma or a system that promised them peace and happiness.

I am now reflecting on the ideas of the Zen masters. They seem to have the vision of what is at the end by observing in the moment their awareness. The practice is basically sitting and noting the flow of thoughts, feelings, wants, desires, wishes, etc - we seek happiness. We then discover that we are sitting at the abyss of illusions and that at the bottom is LIFE – life as it is. Life is not “over there “ found in some wise god or wise leader – Life is living in the here and now. Living each moment as we are, using our senses of seeing, smelling, hearing, touching, tasting, thinking and so on. Yet, life as most of us experience, is split into two aspects: What is here and what is over there. That split creates many difficulties. Therefore, sitting at the edge of the precipice without any understanding what is going on is a life of troubles that will never go away.

Zen master JOKO teaches the way of understanding this illusion we all create and how to overcome it:

“Practice is about understanding the razor’s edge (the precipice) and how to work with it. Always we have an illusion of being separate, which we have created. When we’re threatened or when life doesn’t, please us, we start worrying, we start thinking about a possible solution. And without exception there is no person who doesn’t do this. We dislike being with life as it is because that can include suffering, and that is not acceptable to us. Whether it’s a serious illness or a minor criticism or being lonely or disappointed—that is not acceptable to us. We have no intention of putting up with that or just being that if we can possibly avoid it. We want to fix the problem, solve it, get rid of it. That is when we need to understand the practice of walking the razor’s edge. The point at which we need to understand it is whenever we begin to be upset (angry, irritated, resentful, jealous).

So, I want to encourage you to understand, difficult though it may be. First we have to understand with the intellect: we must know intellectually what practice is. Then we need to develop through practice an acute awareness of when we are separating ourselves from our life. The knowing develops from the base of daily zazen, from many sesshins, and with the effort to remain aware in all encounters from morning till night. Since we are most unwilling to know about the razor’s edge, this wisdom is not going to be presented on a platter to us; we must earn it. But if we are patient our vision will become clearer and then we will see the jewel of that life, beginning to shine. Of course, the jewel is always shining, but it is invisible to those who do not know how to see. To see, we must walk the razor’s edge. We protest, “No! No way! Forget it! It’s a nice title for a book, but I don’t want it in my life.” Is that true? I think not. Basically, we do want peace and joy.

Beck, Charlotte Joko: Everyday Zen (pp. 148-149). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.

 

WISHING ALL READRES A PEACEFUL XMAS CELEBRATION AND A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR!

 

 

 

 

 

REFLECTIONS YARO - NOVEMBER 2022

 

Everyday ZEN

REFLECIONS YARO BLOG – NOVEMBER 2022

 

Dear reader,

Just this morning I realised that I id not write my November Blog. I was busy reading the world news. I have Canadian news, American news, Spanish news, and Australian news. All news seems to be a copy of the same stories: wars, floods, major accidents on bridges and boats. And the horrible Halloween chaos and deaths from a panic effect in South Korea.

As usual, I search for some inspiration from wise teachers and found a ZEN book entitled “ EVERY DAY ZEN by Joko Beck who, in her chapters describes with wonderful simplicity, everyday life.

“We tend to run our whole life trying to avoid all that hurts or displeases us, noticing the objects, people, or situations that we think will give us pain or pleasure, avoiding one and pursuing the other.”

One of her chapters caught my attention as it was just what I was reflecting about: RENOUNCING.

She states that renouncing life creates more pain and suffering – the kind of suffering that our soul feels and not much can be done to stop it. However, she teaches that being present and aware, is a way to overcome every hurt in life. Accept and do not renounce is her theme and here is a quote from her book:

Renunciation

Renunciation Suzuki Roshi said, “Renunciation is not giving up the things of this world but accepting that they go away.” Everything is impermanent; sooner or later everything goes away. Renunciation is a state of nonattachment, acceptance of this going away. Impermanence is, in fact, just another name for perfection. Leaves fall; debris and garbage accumulate; out of the debris come flowers, greenery, things that we think are lovely. Destruction is necessary. A good forest fire is necessary. The way we interfere with forest fires may not be a good thing. Without destruction, there could be no new life; and the wonder of life, the constant change, could not be. We must live and die. And this process is perfection itself.

All this change is not, however, what we had in mind. Our drive is not to appreciate the perfection of the universe. Our personal drive is to find a way to endure in our unchanging glory forever. That may seem ridiculous, yet that’s what we’re doing. And that resistance to change is not attuned with the perfection of life, which is its impermanence. If life were not impermanent, it couldn’t be the wonder that it is. Still, the last thing we like is our own impermanence. Who hasn’t noticed the first gray hair and thought, “Uh-oh.” So, a battle rages in human existence. We refuse to see the truth that’s all around us. We don’t really see life at all. Our attention is elsewhere. We are engaged in an unending battle with our fears about ourselves and our existence. If we want to see life we must be attentive to it. But we’re not interested in doing that; we’re only interested in the battle to preserve ourselves forever. And of course, it’s an anxious and futile battle, a battle that can’t be won. The one who always wins is death.

What we want out of life as we live it is that others reflect our glory. We want our partners to ensure our security, to make us feel wonderful, to give us what we want, so that our anxiety can be eased for a little while. We look for friends who will at least take the cutting edge off of our fear, the fear that we’re not going to be around one day. We don’t want to look at that. The funny thing is that our friends are not fooled by us; they see exactly what we’re doing. Why do they see it so clearly? Because they’re doing it too. They’re not interested in our efforts to be the center of the universe. Yet we wage the battle ceaselessly. We are frantically busy. When our personal attempts to win the battle fail, we may try to find peace in a false form of religion. And people who offer that carrot get rich. We are desperate for anyone who will tell us, “It’s all right. Everything can be wonderful for you.” Even in Zen practice we try to find a way around what practice really is, so that we can gain a personal victory.

People often say to me, “Joko, why do you make practice so hard? Why don’t you hold out any cookies at all?” But from the point of view of the small self, practice can only be hard. Practice annihilates the small self, and the small self isn’t interested in that one bit. It can’t be expected to greet this annihilation with joy. So, there’s no cookie that can be held out for the small self, unless we want to be dishonest. There is another side to practice, however: As our small self dies—our angry, demanding, complaining, manoeuvring, manipulative self-a real cookie appears: joy and genuine self-confidence. We begin to taste what it feels like to care about someone else without expecting anything in return. And this is true compassion. How much we have it depends on the rate at which the small self dies. As it dies, here and there we have moments when we see what life is. Sometimes we can spontaneously act and serve others. And with this growth always comes repentance. When we realize that we

have almost constantly hurt ourselves and others, we repent—and this repentance is itself pure joy. So let us notice that our efforts in Sesshin are to perfect ourselves: we want to be enlightened, we want to be clear, we want to be calm, we want to be wise. As our sitting settles down into the present moment we say, “Isn’t this boring!—the cars going by, feel my knees hurting, notice my tummy growling…” We have no interest in the infinite perfection of the universe. In fact the infinite perfection of the universe might be the person sitting next to us who breathes noisily or is sweaty. The infinite perfection is this being inconvenienced: “I’m not having it my way at all.” At any moment there is just what’s happening. Yet we’re not interested in that. Instead we’re bored. Our attention goes in another direction. “Forget reality! I’m here to be enlightened!” But Zen is a subtle practice: even as we fight it and resist it and distort it, our concepts about it tend to destroy themselves. And slowly, in spite of ourselves, we begin to be interested in what practice really is, as opposed to our ideas of what we think it should be. The point of practice is exactly this clashing space in which my desires for my personal immortality, my own glorification, my own control of the universe, clash with what is. This moment occurs frequently in our lives: the moment when we feel irritability, jealousy, excitement—the clash between the way I want it and the way it is. “I hate her noisy breathing. How can I be aware of what is when she does that?” “How can I practice when the boys next door play rock and roll?” Every moment offers us a wealth of opportunities. Even on the calmest, most uneventful day we get many opportunities to see the clash between what we want and the way it really is. All good practice aims to make our false dreams conscious, so that there is nothing in our physical and mental experience that is unknown to us. We need not only to know our anger, but we also need to know our own personal ways of handling our anger. If a reaction is not conscious, we can’t look at it and turn away from it. Each defensive reaction (and we have one about every five minutes) is practice. If we practice with the thoughts and physical sensations that comprise that reaction, we open to wholeness, or holiness, if you want to call it that. In good practice we are always transforming from being personally centered (caught in our personal reactions) to being more and more a channel for universal energy, this energy that shifts the universe a million times a second. In our phenomenal lives what we see is impermanence; the other side is something else; we won’t give it a name. When we practice well, we are increasingly a channel for this universal energy, and death loses its sting. A major obstacle to seeing is unawareness that all practice has a strong element of resistance. It is bound to have this unwillingness until our personal self is completely dead. Only a Buddha has no resistance, and I doubt that in the human population there are any Buddhas. Until we die we always have some personal resistance that has to be acknowledged. A second major obstacle is a lack of honesty about who we are at each moment. It’s very hard to admit, “I’m being vengeful” or “I’m being punishing” or “I’m being self-righteous.” That kind of honesty is hard. We don’t always have to share with others what we observe about ourselves; but there should be nothing going on that we’re not aware of. We must see that we are chasing ideals of perfection rather than acknowledging our imperfection. A third obstacle is being impressed and side-tracked by our little openings as they occur. They’re just the fruit; they have no importance unless we use them in our lives. A fourth obstacle is having little understanding of the magnitude of the task that we have embarked upon. The task is not impossible, it’s not too difficult; but it is unending.

A fifth obstacle, common among people who spend much time at Zen centers, is substituting talk and discussion and reading for persistent practice itself. The less we say about practice, the better. Outside of a direct student-teacher setting, the last thing that I will talk about is Zen practice. And I don’t talk about the dharma. Why talk about it? My job is to notice how I violate it. You know the old saying, “He who knows does not say, and he who says does not know.” When we talk about practice all the time, our talk is another form of resistance, a barrier, a cover. It’s like academics who save the world every night at the dinner table. They talk and talk and talk—but what difference does it make? At the other end of that pole would be someone like Mother Teresa. I don’t think she does much talking. She is busy doing. Intelligent practice always deals with just one thing: the fear at the base of human existence, the fear that I am not. And of course, I am not, but the last thing I want to know is that. I am impermanence itself in a rapidly changing human form that appears solid. I fear to see what I am: an ever-changing energy field. I don’t want to be that. So good practice is about fear. Fear takes the form of constantly thinking, speculating, analysing, fantasizing. With all that activity we create a cloudy cover to keep ourselves safe in a make-believe practice. True practice is not safe; it’s anything but safe. But we don’t like that, so we obsess with our feverish efforts to achieve our version of the personal dream. Such obsessive practice is itself just another cloud between us and reality. The only thing that matters is seeing with an impersonal searchlight: seeing things are they are. When the personal barrier drops away, why do we have to call it anything? We just live our lives. And when we die, we just die. No problem anywhere.

 

 

 

OCTOBER 2022 - THE FLOW OF TIME

 

OCTOBER 2022 BLOG – REFLECTIONS YARO

 

 

Dear Reader,

At the end of this month of October, I will be reaching the age where most men are considered “wise”. Yet, wisdom is not an acquired skill but a gift from the Universe. Many men in the past historical times were described as the wise men such as the three wise kings during the birth of Jesus, Buddha and I particularly like Yaroslav the wise - prince of Kyiv, Ukraine (1019 – 1054).

In 1987, on my arrival to Australia, I took the name of YARO which is short for Yaroslav. However, this blog is not about names but the story of TIME. Perhaps most people have an instinctive awareness that time is a mystery. The whole idea of time is that is “marching on” and we feel that “time is running out” and thus time becomes a commodity to either run with it or save time for important things in life. We are in great hurry to “race against time” and, as we become more deeply aware, we discover that time is nothing to be kept or discard as we wish, but we really get to the truth: TIME IS AN ETERNITY!

Modern people are tied to the wristwatch and are oblivious of the fact that time is like a river – it just flows and flows. It something we cannot measure on a clock. Science has been able to design the ‘atomic clock’. An atomic clock is a clock that measures time by monitoring the resonant frequency of atoms. It is based on atoms having different energy levels. Electron states in an atom are associated with different energy levels, and in transitions between such states they interact with a very specific frequency of electromagnetic radiation. This phenomenon serves as the basis for the International System of Units' (SI) definition of a second (Wikipedia).

So, instead of looking at the watch or measuring seconds on the atomic clock, as everyday life requires, sometimes just take a walk at night, and look at the starry night sky and feel the Nature all around you in an eternal flow of the immeasurable time. This flow of time is felt in the changing of seasons all over this planet and try to marvel at the blooming of flowers in springtime.

The ancients described time origins as stemming from the eternal darkness when a sudden light emerged and thus creating the Universe. This event separated the light from darkness and established the flow of time that is cyclical and eternal. We can picture the alteration of time flow as the waves of the ocean constantly moving and flowing like an eternal dance.

I am now looking at the nearest galaxy called ANDROMEDA (see picture). This galaxy is circling at the rete of 2.5 million light years and has a radius of 110,000 light years. Here is the idea of TIME as the great circle of life that leads to an inevitable end or death. This death leads to new life again. It is always circling in the dance of Eternity. By placing time on a linear (digital) measure, we lost the connection with Eternity. This loss is at the cost of security in the measuring time. Daily saving time by turning back the clock one hour is useful but it does not connect us with the eternal time. Before the clock time, there was a local phenomenon. Where people would feel the movement of the seasons that gave them notice of what to plant and when to gather.  Time and space were experienced as an essential element of life ever changing.

One of the ways the Wise men suggest in becoming aware of the eternal time is through  storytelling, rituals of ancient times (like the aboriginals in Australia) and celebrations of the ‘day of the dead’ in Mexico. The Halloween day is also a symbolic event celebrating the day where children dress in costumes and do the “trick or treat” game to get a reward of candies.

By understanding that time is a flow of energy that emerges from darkness into light and the returns to darkness again, we will be less afraid of death as an eternal emptiness but also a potential to regenerate and be reborn or transformed. So, turn your imagination to the passing of seasons ever year and celebrate with rituals every season as a passing of time. From darkness to light, from winter to summer and that is the way of becoming part of the Eternal - Cosmic time. Connecting us to the origins of Creation.

Coming back to my reflections about time, as a way I experience Time as an external flow, I am noting how the taking the name of YARO has given me a going back in time to the ancient city state of Kyiv, Ukraine, where I feel a link to that ancient Slavic people so riding the waves of time, to my own birth in Ukraine, the leaving my country due to the communist invasion, living in Venezuela and then in Canada and finally in Australia. My connection to life as eternity is a fascinating reflection of my experience about the time I lived this life. I encourage you to take some photos of your baby times, your toddler times, your teen times, and your adult time and examine your flow of life as you are growing and changing and how Eternity is being reflected in each photo. Take the courage of experiencing your own eternity!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

SEPTEMBER 2022 BLOG – REFLECTIONS YARO

 

Dear Reader,

Recently, I was reflecting about the lack of men that want to learn about creativity, art, or therapy. Our GESTALT ART THERAPY CENTRE in Brisbane, has been conducting seminars and workshops related to art and mysticism, and the attending participants are all women. So, what is going on with men today? I am asking myself.

I decided to examine deeper this issue and found some interesting research and writings about men. Here is a quote from a proposal I wrote some years ago for a MEN PROJECT, and it was not accepted by the funding resources.

“During their childhood and adolescence, Men are more likely (than women), to suffer from slow mental and physical development. They experience more often a short attention span due to "hyperactivity", Schizoid difficulties, transient or chronic spasms, stuttering, functional enuresis, sleep walking, nightmares, autism, as well as persistent and specific developmental problems such as dyslexia.

As adults, men, make up a significant percentage of those who present personality disorders related to paranoia and compulsive antisocial behaviours.

Men suffer from alcoholism and drug abuse four times more than women; they also outnumber women three to one in areas of suicide and high-risk behaviour.

 It is also a well-documented fact that men do not go to seek help from a doctor as often as women do and do not attend workshops and seminars on creative subjects.

If we add the fact that men's work occupies a large proportion of their time, we come to the glaring conclusion that a large proportion of children are growing up without making any significant contact with their fathers. This frequent absence of a father as a masculine model for the young (particularly the male children) seem to explain certain behavioural difficulties connected with men's affirmation of their sexual identity. *

* H. O'Neil:  "Mental Health: Men, the forgotten group" Actualite, May 1988.

* Dr. H. Wallot. Parliamentary Commission on Mental Issues. Canada, 1988.

 

As I reflect about the article that is dated from 1988, I am still finding similar behaviours in men today. Meaning that men are not open to the mysteries of the ‘esoteric’ and mystical aspects of human beings as an alternative to self-abuse.

Michael Meade, my Mentor (see his bio below) is a very wise teacher that is now offering podcasts on the mythical mysteries and how important ancient stories and tales are for the resolving some of the difficult issues facing the world today. A world that is going into deep darkness as we observe the pandemics, wars, and political divisions, as well as the emerging authoritarian regimes.

I agree with Michael Meade that men need to enter a new path to healing of personal and collective road to initiation with Elders as Mentors enabling this process. He proposes three steps:

1.     SEPARATION. Separate from the everyday routines that create dis-ease. Separate from those that interfere healthy development. We do not need to become a monk in a cave or a recluse but take time alone when possible.

 

2.     THE ORDEAL. A descent into dark places either by choice or by life events. Many men are already feeling the ordeal of divorce, unemployment, current pandemic sufferings and mental disorders.

 

3.     THE RETURN. Those who have been challenged by life’s difficulties and learn from them and become resilient, will become the Elders and Mentors who help others cope and recover.

The question that arises in me is: WHERE ARE THE ELDERS TODAY? They are hard to find and even harder to find men who enter this ARCHETYPE of wise man. An Elder that is ready to guide younger men (even mature men) in the celebration of SPIRIT. An elder is a man who is totally aware of his inner self and is in touch with SOUL. This call to the Soul can be at any age but requires work that I call SOULCRAFT.

Perhaps the concept of an Elder/Mentor has become “old fashioned” as the young are mostly connected to the internet and learn from whatever is fed into it. However, no one can discard an Archetype, as this is an eternal phenomenon and can emerge again and again as it is called to be manifested and embodied.

Coming back to my earlier reflection, that men are not involved in any artistic or creative endeavours, like art therapy creative arts etc, I am realising that the COMING BACK for men is encouraging groups of men to become creative and learn to let go of the fear of being too weak.

So, this is my proposal:

To invite the MENS HEALTH AND WELLBEING organisation to develop art and creative events. The task is a simple one. At a Common Ground meeting bring a box of colour crayons, A4 white paper, distribute the materials to each man and (a calm music is also a good thing) ask the men to do a free drawing on the paper. No thinking, no planning, no skills needed and keep attention only whatever emerges from your heart.

Your Soul will rejoice and carry you into places of calm and creative work. This the work of developing creative imagination that is in much needed today. Here is where the Elder Archetype will connect to this imaginative work. Creativity is the ‘building block’ to wisdom.

 

Finally, I am quoting a poem by William Blake:

“Wisdom combined insight with experience

And Vision with Maturity as it expands vision

If not, Maturity becomes degeneration.”

Men initiation in 1988

 

Michael Meade bio:

Michael J. Meade D.H.L. (born 16 January 1944) is an American author, mythologist, storyteller, and was a figure in the Men's Movement of the 1980s. He continues to publish and teach to a broader audience, having distanced himself from the Men's Movement.

His essays have appeared in To Be A Man, Tending the Fire, Wingspan, Walking Swiftly, and The Rag and Bone Shop of the Heart. The latter is an anthology of poetry, which he edited with Robert Bly and James Hillman. His book Men and the Water of Life: Initiation and the Tempering of Men was published in 1993 by HarperSanFrancisco. He is the author of the books The Water of Life, The World Behind the World, Fate and Destiny, the Two Agreements in Life, and Why the World Doesn't End, Tales of Renewal in Times of Change. He frequently contributes essays to Huffington Post,[2] and Sun Magazine. Meade uses story and mythology as a means of discovery for others to find their inner wisdom and inherent gifts, and he is among those interviewed in the documentary Mythic Journeys, focused on other leading figures as per above Robert Bly and James Hillman, and other leading figures of the Men’s Movement.

Web page: https://www.mosaicvoices.org/