LA CALAVERA - MAY 2023 BLOG

 

MAY 2023 BLOG - LA CALAVERA

 

Dear Reader,

I am now writing this blog on Australian Labour Day holiday and reflecting on the May events like Mother’s Day and my son’s birthday. There are many non-celebrations in the world today as the war in Ukraine that is in its second year where men, women and children are hurt and dying every day.

This brings me to reflect about birth, development and death and re-birth as a cycle in Nature that is present everywhere. Writing this blog, I found a story that is very popular in Mexico and retold on the Día de Los Muertos (day of the dead) when people go to the cemeteries and celebrate death.

I found a story of LA CALAVERA (the skeleton lady) told by Dr. Clarissa Pikola Estes. She has worked with facilities caring for severely injured 'cast-away' children, 'shell-shocked' war veterans (now called Post Trauma Distress Syndrome), and their families. Her teaching of writing in prisons began in the early 1970s at the Men's Penitentiary in Colorado; the Federal Women's Prison at Dublin, California, and in other 'locked institutions.'

The Calavera story is meant to be a heling and a positive view of Death so that we can find solace and abandon fear and anxiety about this inevitable event in life. She is also called “La Catrina”. Here is a quote from an article by Kimberley Estrada “La Catrina symbolizes the cycle of life, and serves as a reminder to enjoy life, but also embrace death. She is a sacred symbol of the Mexican celebration, Día de Muertos. A historical figure who has been honoured in Mexican culture for centuries. She has been represented in various forms throughout history, but is most commonly recognized as a tall, female skeleton who wears a fancy hat with feathers.” Here is her short story:

There was a man who lost his wife as she gave birth to a lovely baby boy. He wanted to find a good god-mother for his boy and as he walked the sacred path, he met the Devil who offered to be the godfather, the man stated that he is looking for a godmother and the Devil is  someone that tends to show you good  times but very bad at other times and he kept walking. He then met the god of memory and  also refused the offer because memory tends to fail you  by forgetting things. Then he met the rain god who was very kind but water kept pouring down his face and the father said his thanks and kept walking until far in the forest, he met a lady dressed in colourful outfit and a smile that was very kind and open and she introduced herself as LA CALAVERA . She offered to be good godmother to the child and teach him magic healing skills when he is an adult. The father agreed to the deal and was glad to have a good go-mother and also a good teacher for his don.

Years went by and the child grew up into a very capable man with many healing skills. The only malaise he could not heal was Death. He went to see his godmother and begged her to teach him this healing. She stated that as his god-mother, she is obliged to teach him the skill and told him that when he meets a patient in bed sick, he must look where she is standing. If she is at the top of the bed, it means that the patient must die but if she is standing at the bottom of the bed, then the patient will recover, and he must give the patient a certain herb tea to drink.

Soon the word was out about the great healer and many people went to seek him for cures. One day the soldiers came to see him and stated that the King is very ill and asked for him. He rushed to the castle and found the king in bed looking very ill. The king asked for help and if he is cured, he will give the healer half of the kingdom. But the healer saw Death was at the head of the bed and that meant the king must die. So, being very resourceful, he turned the bed around so death was at the bottom of the king’s bed, and he gave tea to the king and the king recovered. As he was leaving the castle vey happy with his fortune, the godmother was sanding outside and said that this cannot be done and not to do this trick again. In some minutes, the soldiers came again, and stated that the keg’s daughter is very ill and the king wants the healer to come back to help and if his daughter gets well, he will give his daughter in marriage to the healer.

“Wow! That was surely a good deal” thought the healer and came to see the king’s daughter. However, death was at the head of the bed and that meant the beautiful daughter must die. He was suddenly in love with her and went and turned the bed around and gave the princess the tea and she as well and completely healed. Suddenly Calavera appeared in front of him looking very upset and said: “You have not obeyed my rule and this calls for a revelation for you” She then took him by his hand and led him to a deep cave and in this huge cave there were millions of candles, and all were lit and also were of many sizes. “What is this godmother”? asked the healer. She explained that each candle represents life on Earth, and some are taller and some shorter meaning that as the candles burn out, finally the light gees out and the person dies. No matter if the person is a baby and adult or old person, the candle will be spent and the person will die, that is the destiny of all human beings.

“Where is my candle “? Asked the healer and Calavera pointed at the small candle with its light almost gone. “NO!” exclaimed the healer, you cannot do this to me as your godson. I have a fortune, half a kingdom and a princess to wed soon” he pleaded and as he looked at the candle it just went out and he fell and died. “YOU CANNOT FOOL DEATH” said the Calavera.

In conclusion, I have noted some points for reflection as you think about the CALAVERA story.

1.     LIFE - DEATH -LIFE cycle: Think about what is supposed to “die” in your life at this time? What will you not give up and be free of attachments?

2.       When is your candle meant to go out? Or how are you afraid that it will go out soon?

3.       LA CALAVERA  lives inside us and has a sense of when you will heal and when you will die – no cheating!

4.       Can you ‘let go’ of things that deaden you in your life or you keep attempting to turn the “bed” around again and again?

5.       Are you living in the HERE AND NOW? Can this story be helpful to practice this skill?

6.       What healing support do you need in your life at this moment?

DYING IS A JOURNEY FULL OF FEAR – YOU CAN SOFTEN THIS FEAR BY LIVING IN THE NOW AND FIND JOY IN EVERYTHING YOU DO AND WHO YOU ARE!

 

 

 

 

 

APRIL 2023 RFELECTIONS YARO

 

APRIL BLOG - WISDOM OF THE TAROT

 Dear Reader,

Today, as the month of April is approaching, here in Australia, we are at the beginning of fall and in the North, all celebrate the spring equinox.

One of a rather funny rituals is “April fool’s day” celebrated on April 1^st. Here is a quote from Wikipedia:

“April Fools' Day or All Fools' Day is an annual custom on 1 April consisting of practical jokes and hoaxes. Jokesters often expose their actions by shouting "April Fools!" at the recipient. Mass media can be involved with these pranks, which may be revealed as such the following day. The custom of setting aside a day for playing harmless pranks upon one's neighbour has been relatively common in the world historically”.

Over the years, I often wandered and reflected on this apparently strange ritual and never could find the real origin of this event that has, for me, a somewhat sadistic flavour. So, recently I found my TAROT cards and looked up the FOOL card (also called LE MAT in French) that fascinated me as the card of divination with the 0 (zero) value. Here is a definition:

“The Fool is numbered 0 – the number of unlimited potentials – and so does not have a specific place in the sequence of the Tarot cards. The Fool can be placed either at the beginning of the Major Arcana or at the end. The Major Arcana is often considered The Fool’s journey through life and as such, he is ever present and therefore needs no number.” (Tarot at Crossroads: Daniels & Daniels).

The above comment, brought me to reflect of the way our western society (on global scale) is showing the “foolish” actions in so many areas as the 'foolish' wars, business competitions, economic chaos and bankruptcies by some major banks. Thus, we clearly may see and even experience the journey of the Fool from one end of the social spectrum to the other.

I also looked at another tarot card and it is the HANGED MAN This card foreshadows the naïve consequences that result from the foolishness today. The Fool is somewhat innocent, spontaneous, and independent individual totally free from worries. But as we look carefully, he is walking towards a precipice while looking up at the little butterfly flying above his head. As the consequence of this action, we meet the Hanged man (XII card). So, the Fool had a very happy journey but now he is facing a big danger. As all Tarot cards, they represent the upper side and the reverse side where meanings reverse and tell you to pay attention to both, as is saying: “Do not be a fool”.

Therefore, the Hanged Man has both sides too and this is one description:

“The Hanged Man shows a man suspended from a T-shaped cross made of living wood. He is hanging upside-down, viewing the world from a completely different perspective, and his facial expression is calm and serene, suggesting that he is in this hanging position by his own choice. He has a halo around his head, symbolizing new insights: awareness and enlightenment. His right foot is bound to the tree, but his left foot remains free, bent at the knee, and tucked in behind his right leg. His arms are bent, with hands held behind his back, forming an inverted triangle. The man is wearing red pants representing human passion and the physical body, and a blue vest for knowledge. The Hanged Man is the card of ultimate surrender, of being suspended in time and of martyrdom and sacrifice to the greater good.” (Rider Waite deck).

So, my view of our society in these times of potential crisis like the climate crisis and a load of cultural and political crises, creates an image of all being “hung up” and nowhere to go. All is not lost however, and the image of the Hang Man gives us the possible solutions: we need to pause in our race to wealth and progress and make the necessary sacrifices (globally) and stay cantered and calm. When we are suspended in our daily activities and feel stuck, we can easily feel depressed and anxious and feel lost. However, according to C. G. Jung, the image represents ‘the wounded healer’ who is showing us the path to surrender and healing.

This is the time when all foolishness must stop and a sober awareness of what we must sacrifice for the benefit of all. How can we develop new skills new creative approaches and surrender to the new paradigms that are coming. Here the passion of youth must be supported and developed to make new solutions possible.

Finally, I turned to the amazing GYPSY TAROT. These divination cards are more practical and applicable to everyday life. For example, the FOOL card is a SHAMAN who is duelling with a wild bear (maybe his spirit guide) and the HANGED MAN is the bringer of light out of shadows. This is a celebration of Easter and Spring card. A REBIRTH OF BODY, MIND AND SOPUL.

                      

      

                                                                         

REFLECTIONS YARO - MARCH 2023

                                                                                                                   ZEUS AND HERA

                                                                                               THE MAGIC OF MARRIAGE                                                                                     

I am reflecting on the coming month of March. Memories come regarding the ‘IDES OF MARCH from the Shakespearean drama about the assassination of the Roman emperor Julius Cezar by his friend Brutus. It is also the god of war MARS. As gods represent the mythical meanings of human actions, Mars, represents the large and small wars that humanity experiences (now the war in Ukraine) and also the “wars“ between  people who are in conflict with their marriage partners.

One good example of such a ‘war” is the relationship between the famous couple Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera both from Mexico. They had a dramatic and painful marriage. After about 11 years of heavy drama. They were divorced and then married again until she died.

 Frida died in 1954 and now an article was written in the Australian paper that according to the grandson of Diego Rivera, Juan Coronel Rivera, who stated that Diego ‘helped’ Frida to die by supplying her with a heavy dosage of pain killers. As some masters say: “in a war there are no winners nor losers.”

This makes me to reflect on the many couples I see as counsellor for the Defence Dept veterans. Seeing couples every week, I am coming across an interesting pattern that seems to be very common in all relationship:

1.       The wife claims that they need better communication skills.

2.       The husband claims that he is suffering PTSD due to his army career and needs to understand his wife better.

Note: This is the traditional definition of couples (male/ female), In my opinion we can define couples with the  Jungian concept ‘’Anima” and “Animus”, independently or their gender definition, this means that the male person can be more Anima than Animus and the female the opposite.

As we work on these issues, I note that there is another pattern emerging while the couple discuss their needs: the Female (Animus) psychologically expresses her FELINGS first and the Male (animus) expresses his LOGIC first. As these expressions are not in the conscious domain, they enter a place of confusion and even hurt. If the conflict is stopped and the couple calm down, then the female partner switches to logic and the male into feelings. This is the moment to help them to understand that the ’war’ can be stopped and make peace! Both want the best for each other and yet have their own ideal expectations. But the reality of life is not so magic, and they need abilities to manage the reality as they live and work together.

Cultural ideas or “laws” are also embedded in everyone, and today our society is a mix of many cultures and thus creating more complex relationships. Also, cultural idealisations surround the ‘ideal’ of the wedding and the idea of home and children and the meaning of ‘happiness ever after’.

If you ask a young person about their reason for marriage, their reply is almost 100% “to be together” to “to be coupled” there is no mention of sexuality or economy, these are a “given”. Simply “being together” is the min reason to get married.

The ancient Greeks worshiped HERA AND ZEUS as the ideal marriage and tried to copy the proper behaviours as described by the priests. A happy household, ideal children double income and accumulation of good ‘stuff’ (furniture, swimming  pool etc).

However, as we all know, even in Heaven thigs could go wrong. As the gods struggle and fight, and here, on Earth, the COUPLING is soon UNCOUPLED as the pair hit the reality of daily living together. This is quickly defined a PROBLEMS. Just turn on your TV and watch the many dramas that attract most of today’s viewers and the full spectrum of conflicts appear as heavy entertainment. We watch things like jealousy, hate, anger, betrayals frustration, annoyances, disappointments and so on and on. Most of us can identify with some of those aspects and feel the mystery behind them.

Marriage finally seems like a yoke or burden. As children are born and need care and love the burden grows more. The new roles that the couple must take starts a ‘cooling’ state in the relationship and the tasks that are present now are either too much or impossible.

Most people that come to therapy, in my experience, are coming to ‘solve’ their problems and want fast solutions. They are disturbed that they are not able ‘just have peace’ in their relationship. They imagine that “relationship” is some sort of a disturbance or a lack of balance and want to be “cured” as soon as possible.

As marriage is a place of tremendous Dramas and Pain, it is also a place of tremendous idealisation. We project on the other expectations of what it means to be “happy”. Because we are individuals with different parenting for many years, and we develop strong personalities (character) we quickly clash as soon as we begin life together. So, marriage becomes a “battle” (even some TV commentators call it “the battle of sexes”) One partner wants to change the other and the other wants more of what they need etc.

Couples try to adjust facts to ideals they have learned early in life, but those ideals are personal fantasies that clash with the fantasies of the other: “you should clean your room” or “you should be a better father” or “you should cook for us” and so on. Add your “shoulds” here please:

Counsellors or therapists suggest that the couple be as open as possible with all their ideals. Each person is encouraged to openly state directly to the other their personal needs, wants, like words in communication, what we want in this partnership. Friendship, support, sexual needs, creative inspiration, loyalty, rage, frustration, etc. All is allowed to be expressed clearly and directly and explored deeply. Sharing dreams fantasies wishes, and goals etc.

This exploration in depth may also have some dangers. The verbal sharing is limited to thinking and interpretations leading to hurt and saddens, Therefore, the therapist encourages non-verbal communication, contact exercises that promote awareness and strategies like designing a vision board to clarify mutual understanding and love.

Love is a universal process that we have from birth and involves contact with the loved on for simple survival as a baby, and then a connection that is open to come together and withdraw if needed to be free to discover one’s individuation.

 

NOTE : Hera was an Olympian goddess, and a central figure in the Greek pantheon. She was the wife of Zeus. Zeus and Hera’s marriage ceremony was the first of its kind in Olympia. It was hugely celebrated with lots of feasting and merriment at the Garden of the Hesperides.

All the deities were in attendance, and they presented them with lots of magnificent gifts. Gaia, the earth goddess, and grandmother to the bride gifted Hera with an enchanted tree that when planted would produce exquisite golden apples.

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                  Chinese symbol for marriage and happiness

 

 

 

 

 

REFLECTIONS YARO - FEBRUARY 2023

 THE FIRE OF LOVE

FEBRUARY 2023 BLOG

 

Dear Reader,

 Toddy I am reflecting  on the feeling how the time passes. It is a feeling as if the river of life is flowing into the eternal sea that is the container of all lives, past, present, and future.

Yet, the idea of time is simply a construction of our mind that has given us a watch - to “keep time”.

Our brain is the amazing bio-computer that formulates, drives, and organises our so called “FLOW”.

I am now nearing that imaginary border between the river and the sea. Where Time meets the eternal, a deep field that is eternity. It is the final journey of one that is called: ME – body, Mind and Soul. But I ask myself now WHO AM I? This question, although simple, is still active and interesting spanning over many years of reflection. The search for the answer is a subtle process that the ancient Tibetan sages and masters have spent meditating on for some thousands of years. They have discovered that the end of Life on Earth is a journey from one dimension to another. The first stage is dying and moving to the second “Bardo”, it is an intermediate, liminal stage our soul passes through in order to be reborn. This process takes several stages called “Bardo Yoga”.

The second stage after death of our body, we enter a space where all our life memories come up and it is like a review of our Karma or destiny that we have experienced. By cleaning our Karma, we move to the third stage and that is an illumination (pure light) that leads to the final stage and here we can choose: to move to eternal liberation or rebirth.

The Tibetan “bardo” stages indicate that choice of eternal liberation or rebirth is a choice that depends on our Karma. How do we ‘clen’ our Karma? One answer may be that the “karmic dust” is cleaned when we see all our bad and good things we have done while living your life on the Earth stage. Another answer could be the duality principle when we are in relationship with ‘another’.

All Nature is divided into pairs of opposites that create connections that are both difficult and loving. For example, male and female energies are manifested that help or hinder our Karmic ‘dust’ from cleansing.

From the time of our birth, we meet ‘the other ‘and that meeting is a sudden experience of wellbeing called LOVE. Again, we may ask where is this feeling coming from? But the reasons do not matter as we are happy and well. As we grow up, this addiction to the loved one is shifted from mother to others as we seek this healing contact. Yet, being ‘in Love’ is a trap. We find ourselves in a wonderful tarp that eventually self-destructs. We are in SHOCK! There is a feeling of loss and despair: “I lost him/her forever” and “I thought it will be love forever”!  This love relationship becomes a tragedy when we become ATTACHED! We are attached to the image of mother and/or father and we get trapped in the image of our childhood.

Then starts the FEAR. ”He/she may die and I will be lost forever. To keep the image, we may become angry, jealous, possessive and even violent. So, the ‘vehicle’ that brings us to love is damaged and our addiction makes our Karma very “dirty”.

As an old master said: “To enter the valley of Love, we must plunge into the fire, then we must become fire itself, otherwise we cannot live there”

When we truly Love, we must transcend fire as the flame of passion is burning at all times and the problem is ATTACHMENT! We need to feed the flame of Love with a certain oil to be able to live. Standing with feet well planted we can take the flame of love without being totally burnt. Yet, this passion is so addictive that we want more and more of this heat because the mind has received this heat from the boundless energy of the Universe, and we ended up in a ‘prison’ room and we feel that the key to that room is in the hands of the other. If we are in this room with our lover, we must practice moving in and out of the room an move from “I love you” to “we are love together”. And suddenly that needs, and desperations start to dissolve and all our inner aggression and addiction starts to disappear. Berceuse the quality of Love has no time, no space, was never born and does not die.

Here and now, I recognise and am grateful to the great teaching masters, and particularly BABA RAM DASS who inspired me over the holidays to reflect about the importance of letting go, to detach from anything that we are addicted to, like our family members, our friends and possessions and even our own body. Buddha said that life is a preparation for a peaceful death.

When we practice detachment, we go through the process of ‘finishing our unfinished business’ as the gestalt teachers stated. This is a form of clearing our Karma and enable our inner ‘dust’ to disappear and take us to the liberation BARDO as our best reward.

 

 

 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

REFLECTIONS YARO - JANUARY BLOG - 2023

 

JANUARY 2023

 

Dear Reader,

I am looking out of my window and see the summer sun shining upon my garden. December is summer here and I am reflecting about the parts of our planet where there are winter disasters, terrible volcanos and war in Ukraine where people have no electricity nor heat to stay warm and enjoy the coming new year.

To me it all feels like the 2022 was a year of painful crises. COVID pandemic still with us, divisions in world politics, and authoritarian leaders who, without any conscience are adding more pain and destruction to many people in many countries.

Michael Meade’s podcast speaks about the myth of the Greek gods called THE TITANS. These gods delighted in creating pain and destruction among the people. Here is his quote:

 

“There are times when myth and fact coincide, when events in the common world become mythical in shape and scope. In such radical times, myths can offer ways of understanding what otherwise appears as completely unprecedented events and impossible dilemmas. In mythological terms, we are facing the end of an era during which everything can seem to collapse back into chaos and darkness before a regeneration of the dream of life can occur.

In some Greek myths, the Titans appear as primordial, pre-cultural giants who act out the extremes of insolence and arrogance, vengeance and wanton violence. They were called “the strainers” as they were full of hubris and strained to be like the gods. Before civilization could develop, the Titans had to be pushed down and be held in Tartarus, the deepest darkest part of the underworld.

However, it turns out that while the archaic energies and raw emotions can be suppressed, they cannot be completely eradicated. When the dark times come around again and people feel under great pressure, the deeply repressed energies, emotions, and forces can erupt back into life. As the web of life loosens and meaning and trust drain from cultural institutions, unconscious energies from deep in the human psyche can become loosed upon the world. Extreme beliefs and raw emotions can infect and inflate both individuals and groups as unconscious forces lead to extreme and inhumane behaviours.

All around the world, we can see these kinds of energies manifesting in the form of extreme political parties that act with the fervour of religious zealots. And in the rise of authoritarian figures who, in their hubris, insist that everyone must follow and be loyal to them while they, like the ancient Titans, break all the rules and follow no natural order. Having no genuine conscience and no inherent meaning of their own, they can only destroy whatever carries meaning for other people.

The rapid spread of all kinds of conspiracy theories, the increase in acts of hatred and violence can also be seen to involve an uncovering and release of the deep shadows that grow beneath the shiny surface of mass cultures.

The counterbalance to collective forms of extremism and tragic acts of inhumanity must be found, first, in the awakening of the individual soul to a greater sense of the underlying wholeness and inherent meaning of life on Earth.

Just as the earth continually renews itself from its own deep resources, each person harbours hidden resources that try to awaken in the darkest times. In awakening to the presence of the deep unifying self and the ancient wisdom of the soul we become more able to shift the darkness and assist the return of the original dream of life on earth”.

Michel Meade

 

As we are coming to the end of this year, I am trusting and hoping that we are all filled with the desire to make things better and joyful for all. As the story goes, the old man year is leaving this world and the new one is arriving full of hope and happiness. This is my new year wish”

That the collective wisdom of billions of people on this Earth will join their energies to defeat the TITANS of today and thus shift the evil energies cleaning all the corners of this planet. This is not an easy task as the death of one force requires a space to defeat another and another and ‘ad infinitum’.

This fight is well documented by the Tibetan masters, and they call it THE BARDO journey of the Soul. Here is a definition of this spiritual practice:

“The "bardo" is the state of existence intermediate between two lives on earth. According to Tibetan tradition, after death and before one's next birth, when one's consciousness is not connected with a physical body, one experiences a variety of phenomena. These usually follow a particular sequence of degeneration from, just after death, the clearest experiences of reality of which one is spiritually capable, and then proceeding to terrifying hallucinations that arise from the impulses of one's previous unskillful actions. For the prepared and appropriately trained individuals, the bardo offers a state of great opportunity for liberation, since transcendental insight may arise with the direct experience of reality; for others, it can become a place of danger as the karmically created hallucinations can impel one into a less than desirable rebirth”.

Tibetan book of Living and Dying.

I imagine that as we travel from the ‘old year’ to the new, we need to make that journey through a series of “bardos” to enable the new year to be born again.

“Peace requires us to surrender our illusions of control. We can love and care for others but we cannot possess our children, lovers, family, or friends. We can assist them, pray for them, and wish them well, yet in the end their happiness and suffering depend on their thoughts and actions, not on our wishes.”
― Jack Kornfield

BLESS ALL!

 

                                                   

REFLECTIONS YARO - DECEMBER 2022

AT THE EDGE OF THE PRECIPICE – December 2022  BLOG

 

Dear Reader,

As the year is coming to an end (as all years do), I feel like I am standing at the edge of a precipice wandering what is at the bottom. Such image generates a lot of fear. The end of a relationship,the end of a job, the end of healthy body and mind. I am curious about the image and wander what is at the bottom?

Over the millennia, most people felt fear and asked a god of some leader or spirits or magic powers to answer the question as to what is at the bottom of this precipice. Religions emerged that promised a relief indicating the existence of a Heaven (if you are good and obey) or horrible Hell for those who do not ‘believe’ of are ‘sinners’. Therefore, most people followed a dogma or a system that promised them peace and happiness.

I am now reflecting on the ideas of the Zen masters. They seem to have the vision of what is at the end by observing in the moment their awareness. The practice is basically sitting and noting the flow of thoughts, feelings, wants, desires, wishes, etc - we seek happiness. We then discover that we are sitting at the abyss of illusions and that at the bottom is LIFE – life as it is. Life is not “over there “ found in some wise god or wise leader – Life is living in the here and now. Living each moment as we are, using our senses of seeing, smelling, hearing, touching, tasting, thinking and so on. Yet, life as most of us experience, is split into two aspects: What is here and what is over there. That split creates many difficulties. Therefore, sitting at the edge of the precipice without any understanding what is going on is a life of troubles that will never go away.

Zen master JOKO teaches the way of understanding this illusion we all create and how to overcome it:

“Practice is about understanding the razor’s edge (the precipice) and how to work with it. Always we have an illusion of being separate, which we have created. When we’re threatened or when life doesn’t, please us, we start worrying, we start thinking about a possible solution. And without exception there is no person who doesn’t do this. We dislike being with life as it is because that can include suffering, and that is not acceptable to us. Whether it’s a serious illness or a minor criticism or being lonely or disappointed—that is not acceptable to us. We have no intention of putting up with that or just being that if we can possibly avoid it. We want to fix the problem, solve it, get rid of it. That is when we need to understand the practice of walking the razor’s edge. The point at which we need to understand it is whenever we begin to be upset (angry, irritated, resentful, jealous).

So, I want to encourage you to understand, difficult though it may be. First we have to understand with the intellect: we must know intellectually what practice is. Then we need to develop through practice an acute awareness of when we are separating ourselves from our life. The knowing develops from the base of daily zazen, from many sesshins, and with the effort to remain aware in all encounters from morning till night. Since we are most unwilling to know about the razor’s edge, this wisdom is not going to be presented on a platter to us; we must earn it. But if we are patient our vision will become clearer and then we will see the jewel of that life, beginning to shine. Of course, the jewel is always shining, but it is invisible to those who do not know how to see. To see, we must walk the razor’s edge. We protest, “No! No way! Forget it! It’s a nice title for a book, but I don’t want it in my life.” Is that true? I think not. Basically, we do want peace and joy.

Beck, Charlotte Joko: Everyday Zen (pp. 148-149). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.

 

WISHING ALL READRES A PEACEFUL XMAS CELEBRATION AND A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR!

 

 

 

 

 

REFLECTIONS YARO - NOVEMBER 2022

 

Everyday ZEN

REFLECIONS YARO BLOG – NOVEMBER 2022

 

Dear reader,

Just this morning I realised that I id not write my November Blog. I was busy reading the world news. I have Canadian news, American news, Spanish news, and Australian news. All news seems to be a copy of the same stories: wars, floods, major accidents on bridges and boats. And the horrible Halloween chaos and deaths from a panic effect in South Korea.

As usual, I search for some inspiration from wise teachers and found a ZEN book entitled “ EVERY DAY ZEN by Joko Beck who, in her chapters describes with wonderful simplicity, everyday life.

“We tend to run our whole life trying to avoid all that hurts or displeases us, noticing the objects, people, or situations that we think will give us pain or pleasure, avoiding one and pursuing the other.”

One of her chapters caught my attention as it was just what I was reflecting about: RENOUNCING.

She states that renouncing life creates more pain and suffering – the kind of suffering that our soul feels and not much can be done to stop it. However, she teaches that being present and aware, is a way to overcome every hurt in life. Accept and do not renounce is her theme and here is a quote from her book:

Renunciation

Renunciation Suzuki Roshi said, “Renunciation is not giving up the things of this world but accepting that they go away.” Everything is impermanent; sooner or later everything goes away. Renunciation is a state of nonattachment, acceptance of this going away. Impermanence is, in fact, just another name for perfection. Leaves fall; debris and garbage accumulate; out of the debris come flowers, greenery, things that we think are lovely. Destruction is necessary. A good forest fire is necessary. The way we interfere with forest fires may not be a good thing. Without destruction, there could be no new life; and the wonder of life, the constant change, could not be. We must live and die. And this process is perfection itself.

All this change is not, however, what we had in mind. Our drive is not to appreciate the perfection of the universe. Our personal drive is to find a way to endure in our unchanging glory forever. That may seem ridiculous, yet that’s what we’re doing. And that resistance to change is not attuned with the perfection of life, which is its impermanence. If life were not impermanent, it couldn’t be the wonder that it is. Still, the last thing we like is our own impermanence. Who hasn’t noticed the first gray hair and thought, “Uh-oh.” So, a battle rages in human existence. We refuse to see the truth that’s all around us. We don’t really see life at all. Our attention is elsewhere. We are engaged in an unending battle with our fears about ourselves and our existence. If we want to see life we must be attentive to it. But we’re not interested in doing that; we’re only interested in the battle to preserve ourselves forever. And of course, it’s an anxious and futile battle, a battle that can’t be won. The one who always wins is death.

What we want out of life as we live it is that others reflect our glory. We want our partners to ensure our security, to make us feel wonderful, to give us what we want, so that our anxiety can be eased for a little while. We look for friends who will at least take the cutting edge off of our fear, the fear that we’re not going to be around one day. We don’t want to look at that. The funny thing is that our friends are not fooled by us; they see exactly what we’re doing. Why do they see it so clearly? Because they’re doing it too. They’re not interested in our efforts to be the center of the universe. Yet we wage the battle ceaselessly. We are frantically busy. When our personal attempts to win the battle fail, we may try to find peace in a false form of religion. And people who offer that carrot get rich. We are desperate for anyone who will tell us, “It’s all right. Everything can be wonderful for you.” Even in Zen practice we try to find a way around what practice really is, so that we can gain a personal victory.

People often say to me, “Joko, why do you make practice so hard? Why don’t you hold out any cookies at all?” But from the point of view of the small self, practice can only be hard. Practice annihilates the small self, and the small self isn’t interested in that one bit. It can’t be expected to greet this annihilation with joy. So, there’s no cookie that can be held out for the small self, unless we want to be dishonest. There is another side to practice, however: As our small self dies—our angry, demanding, complaining, manoeuvring, manipulative self-a real cookie appears: joy and genuine self-confidence. We begin to taste what it feels like to care about someone else without expecting anything in return. And this is true compassion. How much we have it depends on the rate at which the small self dies. As it dies, here and there we have moments when we see what life is. Sometimes we can spontaneously act and serve others. And with this growth always comes repentance. When we realize that we

have almost constantly hurt ourselves and others, we repent—and this repentance is itself pure joy. So let us notice that our efforts in Sesshin are to perfect ourselves: we want to be enlightened, we want to be clear, we want to be calm, we want to be wise. As our sitting settles down into the present moment we say, “Isn’t this boring!—the cars going by, feel my knees hurting, notice my tummy growling…” We have no interest in the infinite perfection of the universe. In fact the infinite perfection of the universe might be the person sitting next to us who breathes noisily or is sweaty. The infinite perfection is this being inconvenienced: “I’m not having it my way at all.” At any moment there is just what’s happening. Yet we’re not interested in that. Instead we’re bored. Our attention goes in another direction. “Forget reality! I’m here to be enlightened!” But Zen is a subtle practice: even as we fight it and resist it and distort it, our concepts about it tend to destroy themselves. And slowly, in spite of ourselves, we begin to be interested in what practice really is, as opposed to our ideas of what we think it should be. The point of practice is exactly this clashing space in which my desires for my personal immortality, my own glorification, my own control of the universe, clash with what is. This moment occurs frequently in our lives: the moment when we feel irritability, jealousy, excitement—the clash between the way I want it and the way it is. “I hate her noisy breathing. How can I be aware of what is when she does that?” “How can I practice when the boys next door play rock and roll?” Every moment offers us a wealth of opportunities. Even on the calmest, most uneventful day we get many opportunities to see the clash between what we want and the way it really is. All good practice aims to make our false dreams conscious, so that there is nothing in our physical and mental experience that is unknown to us. We need not only to know our anger, but we also need to know our own personal ways of handling our anger. If a reaction is not conscious, we can’t look at it and turn away from it. Each defensive reaction (and we have one about every five minutes) is practice. If we practice with the thoughts and physical sensations that comprise that reaction, we open to wholeness, or holiness, if you want to call it that. In good practice we are always transforming from being personally centered (caught in our personal reactions) to being more and more a channel for universal energy, this energy that shifts the universe a million times a second. In our phenomenal lives what we see is impermanence; the other side is something else; we won’t give it a name. When we practice well, we are increasingly a channel for this universal energy, and death loses its sting. A major obstacle to seeing is unawareness that all practice has a strong element of resistance. It is bound to have this unwillingness until our personal self is completely dead. Only a Buddha has no resistance, and I doubt that in the human population there are any Buddhas. Until we die we always have some personal resistance that has to be acknowledged. A second major obstacle is a lack of honesty about who we are at each moment. It’s very hard to admit, “I’m being vengeful” or “I’m being punishing” or “I’m being self-righteous.” That kind of honesty is hard. We don’t always have to share with others what we observe about ourselves; but there should be nothing going on that we’re not aware of. We must see that we are chasing ideals of perfection rather than acknowledging our imperfection. A third obstacle is being impressed and side-tracked by our little openings as they occur. They’re just the fruit; they have no importance unless we use them in our lives. A fourth obstacle is having little understanding of the magnitude of the task that we have embarked upon. The task is not impossible, it’s not too difficult; but it is unending.

A fifth obstacle, common among people who spend much time at Zen centers, is substituting talk and discussion and reading for persistent practice itself. The less we say about practice, the better. Outside of a direct student-teacher setting, the last thing that I will talk about is Zen practice. And I don’t talk about the dharma. Why talk about it? My job is to notice how I violate it. You know the old saying, “He who knows does not say, and he who says does not know.” When we talk about practice all the time, our talk is another form of resistance, a barrier, a cover. It’s like academics who save the world every night at the dinner table. They talk and talk and talk—but what difference does it make? At the other end of that pole would be someone like Mother Teresa. I don’t think she does much talking. She is busy doing. Intelligent practice always deals with just one thing: the fear at the base of human existence, the fear that I am not. And of course, I am not, but the last thing I want to know is that. I am impermanence itself in a rapidly changing human form that appears solid. I fear to see what I am: an ever-changing energy field. I don’t want to be that. So good practice is about fear. Fear takes the form of constantly thinking, speculating, analysing, fantasizing. With all that activity we create a cloudy cover to keep ourselves safe in a make-believe practice. True practice is not safe; it’s anything but safe. But we don’t like that, so we obsess with our feverish efforts to achieve our version of the personal dream. Such obsessive practice is itself just another cloud between us and reality. The only thing that matters is seeing with an impersonal searchlight: seeing things are they are. When the personal barrier drops away, why do we have to call it anything? We just live our lives. And when we die, we just die. No problem anywhere.