DECEMBER 2024 REFLECTIONS.

 

STANDING ON THE EDGE OF LIFE

DECEMBER 2024 BLOG – REFLECTIONS YARO 

 Dear  reader, 

Today I am reflecting on the coming of the final day for 2024. I wonder how many of us are now shopping for a good ham or gifts for family? Has anyone spent some time reflecting on the meaning of Christmas? That a 33-year-old young man was killed on the cross for preaching love? 

 “Well, we may think: “This happened more than 2000 years ago, and we are now a new and more enlightened society. Yes and No is my answer. The current conflicts and wars in the Middle East and Ukraine, demonstrate that our societies continue killing and destroying innocent people. We are still as if STANDING ON THE EDGE! 

This reflection led me to a person who is writing and speaking about sacred ideas to help people attain a more enlightened mind. Her name is Joan Halifax. I am including her summary of her book and recommend you get it and read it as a Christmas message for all humanity today. 

 Standing At the Edge - by Joan Halifax Standing At The Edge explores Joan Halifax’s theory that there are 5 ‘Edge States’ – 5 internal/interpersonal qualities that are keys to leading a compassionate and courageous life. Halifax calls them ‘Edge States’ because over the ‘edge’ they have harmful flipsides. The 5 Edge States are: 

ALTRUISM: EMPATHY, INTEGRITY, RESPECT, and ENGAGEMENT, and their negative counterparts are pathological altruism, empathic distress, moral distress, disrespect, and overwork. There is also a final section on compassion. 

I thought (for various reasons) that Standing At The Edge was going to be about facing death, but I completely misunderstood the premise. I kept reading though because altruism, empathy, integrity, respect, and engagement are qualities I feel make for a good life, and are certainly qualities you need as a caregiver to someone who is dying. So why not. Take what you like and leave the rest.

 How to approach altruism: Direct your altruism from a place of selfless goodness and not out of fear, duty, obligation, or the need for social approval. Altruism aimed at “fixing,” “helping,” or “rescuing,” instead of serving is pathological altruism, which frequently leads to burnout. Notice if you are “othering” the object of your altruism. Aim instead to develop your sense of mutuality and compassion for others. Bear witness to suffering with courage and openness, and respond with care. 

 How to approach empathy: Empathy is our capacity to understand the physical, emotional, or mental experiences of another – to see through their eyes. If we overidentify with suffering, or can’t release the experience, we face empathic distress. Like other stress responses, there may be anxiety and emotional turmoil; we might feel numb or be filled with anger. In most cases, we withdraw. To pull yourself out of empathic distress make sure you are setting limits, offering your empathy unconditionally and without expectation, and recognizing the common good as well (to balance the negative). 

 How to approach integrity: To have integrity is to have a conscious commitment to honor strong moral and ethical principles – to abide by our values. When others violate our moral values we can experience moral suffering. Being unable to right a wrong, witnessing (or participating in) unconscionable acts, or experiencing extreme anger toward those who cause harm are all manifestations of moral suffering. Halifax recommends expanding your inquiry to include those who do the harm. Can you understand the place of suffering they acted from? Can you soften around that understanding? What are your values? Are you living your values? Create a list of your values/principles, and remember to maintain the intention to practice them. If the frustration and anger are directed towards yourself for harming someone else, reset your intention to live your values and take a moment to expand your kindness to include yourself. 

 How to approach respect: Halifax describes respect toward someone as honoring their autonomy and right to privacy, acting with integrity toward them, and being loyal and truthful to them. We can also have respect for principles and values and respect for ourselves. Disrespect may take the form of bullying, hostility toward others, internalized oppression, or exploitation. You can cultivate respect for others by engaging your empathy and compassion. Before speaking, ask yourself if what you’re about to say is true, kind, b

 How to approach engagement: Engagement refers to engagement with our vocation. To be engaged is to be absorbed, energized, and satisfied by our work and service – to be motivated. If pushed too hard though, if working from a place of fear, escapism, or compulsion, we can experience burnout, exhaustion, and cynicism. We get demoralized or feel ineffective. To avoid the burnout of overwork, we must approach our work with appreciation, gratefulness, humor, curiosity, and openness. Focus less on outcomes and more on benefiting others. Work and serve wholeheartedly. A note on compassion Halifax doesn’t think you can overdo it on compassion and that compassion is how to prevent “falling over the edge.” Halifax believes having genuine concern and a desire to end the suffering of others is the most universal source of joy and meaning in life. She describes three kinds of compassion:

 1) Referential compassion – the compassion we feel for others,

 2) Insight-based compassion – the compassion that comes forth from the moral imperative, and 

3) Non-referential compassion – universal compassion when the barrier between self and others dissolves. Throughout Standing At The Edge, Halifax returns to compassion as the way out of suffering

. Joan Halifax Joan Jiko Halifax is an American Zen Buddhist teacher, anthropologist, ecologist, civil rights activist, hospice caregiver, and the author of several books on Buddhism and spirituality. 

 Born: 30 July 1942 (age 82 years), Hanover, New Hampshire, United States Education: Tulane University Lineage: Zen Peacemaker Order; White Plum Asanga Teacher: Seung Sahn, Bernard Glassman, Thich Nhat Hanh