BLOG OCTOBER 2019
What is a man today?
I am reflecting about the theme
of this month’s publication. There are many possibilities emerging as I am
thinking about the world today. One theme is the “toxic masculinity”. Last
week, I attended a very interesting meeting (Sept 23) at the GOMA art gallery.
There were about 200 people attending and the host was Paul Barcley of ABC
radio national.
The speakers were: Tarang Chawla, writer,
activist and founder of Not One More Nikki campaign. (Nikki was his sister
murdered by her partner). Michael Flood, Associate professor at the Queensland
University, and director of the Centre of Research on Men And Masculinity; Joe
Williams, mental health advocate, professional boxer Rugby League player, his
ancestry is from the Cowra people who struggled many years with mental health
(bipolar syndrome)and wrote his biography entitled “Defying the Enemy Within;
Catharine Lumby, professor of media at Macquarie University she is also an
author and a Journalist.
This group of amazing presenters
explored, before a large audience, about the current slur(my interpretation) on Masculinity and the
impact of this label on young men.
This full discussion can be
viewed on: gagoma.qld.gov.au/youtube
Search GOMA TALKS: TOXIC
MASCULINITY
This interesting and open
discussion, along with the Ben Quilty art exhibition, has inspired me to
continue my own research about who is a Man today and how the media is
thrashing masculinity.
However, I came back from this
discussion asking the question that many are asking: WHAT IS THE SOLUTION”?
Is this a Social Change issue? Or
is this an education of young men as they pass through school?
Or is this a paradigm shift
opening the masculine definition that has been in Australia for a couple of
hundreds of years”?
In my research, I discovered the
following comments from experts in this matter:
1. Jordan
Peterson, psychology professor in Canada: “boys are falling behind due to the
elimination of concepts that form young men in their experience growing into
men.
Active boys are
often labelled as ADD and some are medicated to calm them down. It is easy to
confuse and use masculine energy to explain the ‘old patriarchy’ That men only
want power and possession.
2. Justin
Balmain, a young actor who is busy promoting a redefinition of masculinity. He
asks the question: "Let's make men less toxic" – who will do this? “stop men
acting like rough-tough ‘macho’ impersonators " – Who will do this?
It is my
impression that most solutions to redefine masculinity fall into two main
areas: One is Social Change that focuses on the constructing social meaning of
men in the new era and the other is men inner work by with making available
counselling for men, group work, men well being meetings and gatherings of men.
After my own
experience working with men groups for over 10 years, I have been promoting the
following list about how to enable a shift in masculine perception and to
develop positive and healthy masculinity:
1. Stop
calling and labelling men as ‘toxic”. This labelling is unhealthy and promotes
a negative perspective of men.( see definition below)
2. Pay
attention to the young man as he is showing a need for adventure. Some say the
SOUL speaks to him.
3. After
the need to adventure, the search begins. Men are searching how to grow and
develop as healthy models to self and others. I often hear men speak about
their wounds that come from the father (usually absent father).
4. Men
that are wounded, usually search for answers as to how feel compatible and
strong with other men. They may search for a Mentor (teacher). Older friend or
Uncle. Young men search in heroes, superheroes in the movies and so on.
5. Self-Discovery
as a way to the man’s soul. SOULCRAFT is one way to discover a man’s inner
purpose.
6. Working
in men’s groups or gatherings we often share openly about our depressions,
losses, questioning our self-worth, drugs, alcohol and so on.
7. Developing
positive personal resources as to: who am I? what I can be? And what I can do
as a man? The old cliché: “Boys will be
boys” is to be rejected as a false attribute to men.
8. Finally,
leaders, mentors and mature men must encourage men to attend training about leading
men groups.
I am planning a men- after- 50
group in my practice for 2020. It will be a meeting of mature men who are ready
to work on their personal growth and learn skills to become a Mentor to younger
men in search of being authentic and healthy men. Here is a suggested list of
topics – issues we will address:
-
Physical and mental health
-
Personal shifts in self and lifestyle
-
Masculine identity and purpose in today’s world
-
Fear, loneliness and our mortality
-
Developing relationship skills with women
All meetings will
be once a month (dates to be set) and the working approach will be based on my
own professional experiences in Gestalt Therapy, group work, Existential
philosophy and positive psychology.
NOTE: There is already
a group of men over 50 meeting in Bangalow NSW. Please contact Nava @
0400338946 or Michael @ 0421480076
RESOURCES
Unmasking masculinity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBdnjqEoiXA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmkFdAMFGXo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SK0XQN6_do
A BIT OF HISTORY
I always like to follow up what
the media is writing as most of it is based on poor facts and sensationalism.
Therefore, I am including some of my research about the sources of the word
Toxic and Toxic Masculinity:
TOXIC - A DEFINITION
adjective
of, pertaining to, affected with,
or caused by a toxin or poison:
a toxic condition.
acting as or having the effect of
a poison; poisonous:
a toxic drug.
causing unpleasant feelings;
harmful or malicious:
a toxic man, criticism of men.
pertaining to or noting debt that
will probably not be repaid:
toxic mortgages.
pertaining to or noting a
financial instrument or other asset that has no value or an unknown value
because there is no market for it:
toxic mortgage-backed securities.
TOXIC MASCULINITY
The concept of toxic masculinity
is used in psychology and media discussions of masculinity to refer to certain
cultural norms that are associated with harm to society and to men themselves.
Traditional stereotypes of men as socially dominant, along with related traits
such as misogyny and homophobia, can be considered "toxic" due in
part to their promotion of violence, including sexual assault and domestic
violence. The socialization of boys often normalizes violence, such as in the
saying "boys will be boys" about bullying and aggression.
Self-reliance and emotional
repression are correlated with increased psychological problems in men such as
depression, increased stress, and substance abuse. Toxic masculine traits are
characteristic of the unspoken code of behaviour among men in prisons, where
they exist in part as a response to the harsh conditions of prison life.
Other traditionally masculine
traits such as devotion to work, pride in excelling at sports, and providing
for one's family, are not considered to be "toxic". The concept was
originally used by authors associated with the mythopoetic men's movement such
as Shepherd Bliss to contrast stereotypical notions of masculinity with a
"real" or "deep" masculinity that they say men have lost
touch within modern society. We need to separate ‘toxic masculinity “ from Healthy
masculinity.
MYTHOPOETIC MEN'S MOVEMENT
Poet Robert Bly in the middle
The mythopoetic men's movement
was a body of self-help activities and therapeutic workshops and retreats for
men undertaken by various organizations and authors in the United States from
the early 1980s through the 1990s. The term mythopoetic was coined by professor
Shepherd Bliss in preference to the term "New Age men's movement".
Mythopoets adopted a general style of psychological self-help inspired by the
work of Robert Bly, Michael Meade, Robert A. Johnson, Joseph Campbell, and
other Jungian authors. The group activities used in the movement were largely
influenced by ideas derived from Jungian psychology, e.g., Jungian archetypes,
from which the use of myths and fairy tales taken from various cultures served
as ways to interpret challenges facing men in society.
Groups formed during the
mythopoetic men's movement typically avoided political and social advocacy in
favour of therapeutic workshops and wilderness retreats, often performing
Native American rituals such as drumming, chanting, and sweat lodges. These
rituals were organized to facilitate the personal growth of participants (most
often middle-class, middle-aged males) with an intended purpose of connecting
spiritually with a lost deep masculine identity or inner self. The most
well-known text of the movement was Iron John: A Book About Men by the poet
Robert Bly, who argued that "male energy" had been diluted through
modern social institutions such as the feminist movement, industrialization,
and separation of fathers from family life through working outside the home.
Bly urged men to recover a pre-industrial conception of masculinity through
spiritual camaraderie with other men in male-only gatherings. The purpose of
these activities was to foster greater understanding of the forces influencing
the roles of men in modern society and how these changes affect behaviour,
self-awareness, and identity.
Sometimes mistakenly referred to
simply as the men's movement, which is much broader, the mythopoetic movement
is best known for the rituals that take place during their gatherings. While
most in the public eye during the early 1990s, the movement carries on more
quietly in The Mankind Project and independent psychological-spiritual
practitioners.
I am very proud to be part of the
Mythopoetic movement in Australia and I have renamed this experience as
SOULCRAFT.
